You know what's just....retarded. I'm in Jamaica right? (That's not the retarded part that's the awesome part) but I'm in this really really rural part of Jamaica called Rockhall look up that shi* on Google maps I don't even think you'll be able to see the houses here. But anyways...the internet connection isn't that great but I'm just damn greatful there is internet here because last time I was here there wasn't any.....(still not the retarded part...) But my Uncle who spent alot of time in NY is downloading THREE F*CKING MOVIES WITH THE WEAK CONNECTION so that's making everything slow. I don't understand y he doesn't wait till he takes his a** back to Florida to do this sh**....moving on.

I went to the city to hang out with my cousins and my cousins boyfriend who's a Reggae singer told me that lesbians and gays are taking over...I said yeah whatever don't believe it this is Jamaica . He said...yeah? yeah? you don't believe me. Come with us to Karyoke Sunday night and you'll see.

Sunday night comes. It's crowded...packed with cars of all kinds, BMWs, Lexus's, Hondas, Shitboxes....I walk in and it has the island bamboo vibes but the people are dressed in their casual sheek...trendy pants, button down tops on the guys, sexy tanks tight pants on the girls....The city style for you. And I'm standing there...listening to people sing American songs of all kinds and then...I'm looking around...for this Lesbian invasion they speak of. I see one woman dressed kind of boyish. But for the most part nothing above the norm.

So the night moves on I still don't see the lesbian invasion they speak of. Just the one butch looking woman. So as the night's winding down Dread asks me

"So, did you see her?"
I said, "See who?"
Dread says"The lesbian girl."
"Which one?" I say.
"The one in the black. She asked a woman for a drink and she said no." Referring to the woman I had mentioned earlier
"Her? That's what you call taking over??" He laughs and says it's kind of a slow night but the fact that she was even there got people talking.
I said "Wow, poor her. She looks desperate."
She asks a woman, who's man has stepped from her, if she wants a drink and she quickly declines. She soon gives up her search and retires for the night. As she walks out...lol..I feel kind of sorry for her. But would I let her buy me a drink? Fcuk no! Not in Jamaica. They haven't reached that level yet.

Mommy Daddy Secrets

I found something out about my parents that I just wish I didn't know. I've been trying to act all nonchalant like it didn't bother the shit out of me but gat dang.

You know that whole period before you were born and your parents had this whole life you didn't know about. There's a reason for that, you don't want to know. No no sersiously....you don't want to know. Maybe mom dabbled in drugs and turned tricks maybe Dad had a little homo experience (These are just examples) guess what? By the time you are born...it doesn't matter you are here and the focus is raising a child and moving on. No need for dirt because....well we as kids look up to our parents and things they did BEFORE you were born....doesn't have anything to do with you.

It's a thought that'll make you question EVERYTHING you know and look through life through an almost dissappointing lens. Now all I can do is be mature enough to understand the my parents are people too.That's all I have to say.

It's Wednesday Right

It's Tuesday right? No Wednesday. Relax Wednesday I know your name..It's just ever since the summer started it's been a little hard keeping track and being a teacher and all....look I got time on my hands but Wednesday you know u special. Hump Day right? Days just keep passing by where I accomplish. Nothing. No Thing. Unless you call eating, sleeping, and watching Blockbuster movies being productive then hell yes I'm the most ambitious person I know. I.....dare I say it...kinda sort of...just a teensy bit miss....teac-. I'll stop right there, free times leading to craziness.

A few things I must accomplish with this free time

1. Writing
2. Reading
3. Catching up with my homies/family
4. Being the most incredible human being I know


4 is the easy one it's the others I have a problem with.

South Beach....Memorial Day.

I'm not really a party girl. I'm a blockbuster night leave me alone so I can finish reading the Kite Runner type of girl....

So my friend and I head down to South Beach and we're staying at her brother's place who lives 5 minutes from South Beach and we went to the club that cost $50 bucks to get into only because it's memorial day weekend and it's now 4 o'clock in the morning and she decides that she's going to get her groove on and I'm like well I'm taking my ass home....

So I head home her brother's place with his two male roommates and I'm pissed because

1. His roommates haven't met me before and I'm about to just walk into their house this time of night.

2. I'm about to sleep in a house full of dudes and if I get raped I'm going to be so pissed. I actually considered driving 45 minutes to my aunt's house....

So I get to her brother's place (after taking a detour after some people who I suspected might be serial killers wanted my number and to follow me to my destination....I "escaped" let's just say.)

And I stroll up in these people's house and their sitting on the couch talking, turns out they were coming from the same club that I had been and he thought about dancing with me, so he says....
And they kind of freak out because this is Miami and somebody is just walking into their house and I'm freaking out because they might shoot me. But they don't because...well. Here's this long legged woman with sexy hair (a wig...shame shame didn't feel like doing my hair) walking into their house with the cutest nervous smile. She's actually pissed. Pissed that her friend is out and about and she thinks her friend should have much more respect for herself than that and maybe I shouldn't have dropped her off.....I'm pissed that I DON'T KNOW THESE DUDES!!! But they were nice. And they wouldn't try anything with their roommate's sister's friend....they were decent guys. I hoped. Dear Lord I hoped. And subconsciously I prayed to God..."Dead Lord...I know I'm here with some random guys and I should know better, but please please please don't let them try anything while I sleep." They asked me where my friend was and I hesitated and they smiled...."Ooooh, she went jogging." Said the more outgoing of the two.

The Next day actually...later that morning my friend showed up. Glowing. They asked if she enjoyed her jog.

Roxy's Diner

I have been looking for this song for only for....as long as I can remember. It's hard trying to find lyrics to a song when all you know is

"Ta ta ta ta
ta ta ta ta
ta ta ta ta
ta ta ta ta...."

This song is.
The shit.

Song Lyrics

It reminds me of me lately
Only
There's not many diners around here.
Only Large franchises like D.e.n.ny's and I.HOP.
So I went to IHOP the other day. This is how it went.

Roxy's Diner (experience)

I am standing
In the afternoon
at the IHOP
On Colonial

I am waiting
for the 16 year old
To seat me.
At a table


And he asks
If it's just me
at the table
for today.

I say yes.
I have no friends.
He smiles and says
"Right this way"

And He seats me
Next to
the loud family
of ten.

The waitress from
The Islands
Hands me
Some tap water


And she leaves
by the window
as I'm scrolling
On on the net


About the
Dem.ocr.atic
Race.
O.b.ama lost Indiana.
Damn



And my eyes meet his.
As he's wiping the counter
I smile and see the
waitress in the corner
Of my eye.

They must have
had a thing.
Some time long ago
She can keep relax
I don't want her man.
(He works at Ihop..no offense..maybe he's has bigger plans
and it's just a temporary thing..look. I just need a man who
strives for a bit more than that you know?)

And I'm pretending
not to notice
The couple
Arguing

They wanted to
Get a free
Apple topping
To go with their Stack

Bitches that
topping cost
99 cents get over it.
And pay the lady her money

And I'm listening
to the family
Tell a story in Spanish
And then I miss your voice

On my phone
In the mornings
When you ask me not
To go

And I finish up my dessert
That the waitress
Couldn't believe
I ordered.

After Just having
Bacon, Pancakes,
Hashbrowns, Cheese Omellete
Fried Cheesecake and Whipcream
On top of Ice-cream.

I finish the last bite.
Time to catch
American Idol.

Spring Break pt. 4- Farewell Party

My friend Amber calls and asks me if I'm in the O because she's stopping by before she heads to NY to persue her dreams. Of course my timings always good because I'm not there, actually I'm four hours away in South Fla.

She gets mad but says she'll be in South Fla the next day. I say cool. See you for lunch.

Next Day..lunch time arrives. No call. I think nothing of it. I'm used to my friends last minute actions and their used to mine so it evens out.

Around 8pm I get a call. My friend Ream from the O calls and asks if I'm ready.

"For what?" I ask.
"The club!" she says as if we had some prearrangements that I was supposed to know about.
"No...I'm at the hair salon with my cuz" I say.
"Well I'm coming to you because Am told me that's we're going to the club and I rented a car to drive all the way to South Fla so I'm about to club tonight."
"How did you know I was in Miami?"
"Am duh. When did you talk to her?" I ask. And what happened to lunch?
"Yesterday, but I haven't heard from her all day. We're supposed to be clubbing before she leaves."
"But Ream...umm...I'm not partying, I was supposed to have lunch but no one called."
"What? Unh uh, Roxy don't tell me that"
"What....agggh. Fine."
I end up giving in and telling her I'll be ready in a few.
I didn't pack any club clothes whatsoever so I make up and outfit and head out the door.
Ream's waiting there pissed because we hadn't hear from Am all day and I have to laugh. We're some disorganized people for real.
We pick up De and head to Ha.r.d Roc.k. (again) This time into a club.

I bring the Jui.c.y Pur.s.e that I was smoking rocks when I bought.

We get in line.
It rains. I hand the purse to Ream because she was the only one furthest in line to be under the shade. We still hadn't heard from Am all day.

Matter of fact. We thought something might have happened to her. But knowing her, it was some crazy reason that we hadn't heard from her 20 hours straight.

Finally. We see her.
Her phone has been dead and she forgot her charger. Ha.

Her boyfriends buys us shots and everything's a blurr....

I dance a little more... De loves when I'm drunk she says I'm more fun... My jams keep coming on... Am's man buys us more shots... I see my ex from high-school in the distance...I pull my hat down, lol. We walk into another section of the club and security pulls my hat and says it's fly. I flash a drunken smile. Am's man starts asking for my hat. I tell him $20 dollars at A.ldo. He laughs. I bid Am farewell. Ream drops me home and I crawl upstairs and dream drunken dreams.

I wake up to my cuz fussing about why I didn't answer my phone this morning. I look. My phone is gone.

I call and call and Finally. Ream answers the phone. Left it in the rent a car. Yessssss so it isn't lost forever.

Spring Break pt. 3 Not Your Sugarbaby

I texted my friend from high school (De) ,who had gone to college with me but moved back home early, to see if she was alive. Luckily she was and we made some arrangements to go to H.ar.d. R.ock H.ollywo.od. for some drinks and catching up.

When we got there everything was almost closed but luckily we caught a place that served us desert and some martinis. We chatted and laughed and then some older guys came trying to charm us. A lawyer and I forgot what the other one did but they were business men, because within minutes they were handing me cards. The outgoing Latino approached my friend. And the cool laid back Caucasian lawyer sat next to me. They admitted that they were drawn to our complexion because they love black women because their fun and interesting. (Is that so...)

They paid for our drinks and my dessert and Holy Shit. We're stuck with them for the night.

Be honest. When you see young black women in their 20's dating older rich guys you think their gold diggers right? Be honest. De and I paranoid about that the hold night as they grabbed our hands and led us to the next club. We're too nice(especially when tipsy) and didn't want to be ass holes so they hung out with us for the night.


We went to the club next door to a hip hop club that had a mechanical bull inside. Yes, a hip hop club with a mechanical bull.

The interesting part of this place is that who ever rides the bull gets exploited like hell. For example. Say you have big boobs. The guy controlling the bull shakes shakes shakes it so her tatas jiggle like crazy and if she has a big behind. He bends the bull over and shakes shakes shakes her booty to the beat.

Lawyer guy suggest I get on there. I suggest he gets on there. He declines.

Then we went the casino. Latino kept giving us 20s to play in the machines. Eventually we were like no save your money, but he kept insisting. De and I shook our heads. (The last time I had come down here some guy, who's friend had actually known me from high school, wanted to give up 100 bucks to buy drinks. We told him to keep his money and I told him to invest it because black men need to start thinking about the future....as I preached with my tiny shorts and see-through top)
At the end of the night De ended up keeping one of the 20s to pay for gas.

How cute is that little munchkin, huh?

Lawyer guy told me to give him a call. I never did. Money doesn't win me over and honestly I was looking for somebody younger and...tanner. Maybe a little more...Ok, black, I love my black men. BLACK CHOCOLATE MEN.And besides. I'm nobody's Sugarbaby.

Spring Break pt. 2 Kiss for some tickets

We* were standing in the movie line to see S-u-p-e-r H-e-r-o, actually we really wanted to see Hor.ton. Hea.r.s a W.h.o but it started already. And inside the guy had a sign the said "Next In Line" and we stood there not really sure if we should leave the current line we were in having stood there so long but he started waving it inpatiently so we went inside to join his line.

*We is my cousins; K, J, D, their friend, G, and Roxy(me)

So I'm standing there in the line. My cousin D, who's a punk rocker (yes she's black) who loves to draw anime and is pretty outspoken although she'd deny it, is in front of me.

And I'm standing. Daydreaming kinda. Thinking about about how I must be smoking rocks because I just bought a J.uicy Coutu.re purse and I'm broke. My cousin and her friend were over there holding the bag pretending it was theirs. I thought about what my friends were doing back in the O, I thought about...him..

Then I see my cuz with tickets in her hand.
"Here you go, Here you go, Here you go, Here you go." She says as she passes them out.

It took me a second to realize what just happened.
"Wait a minute. Did you pay for these." I ask. ( high fiving him as we walked away)
"Nope."

"Ok, what did you say." my cuz J and I say at the same time.

"Nothing." She says.
We walk to the food court confused. I looked at the ticket thinking it would say a movie that was no longer in the theatre or something. Or maybe they were fake and we were about to be embarrassed.

"No you said something, we got free tickets."
"All I said was, " she begins. I open my ears to listen for future use of this occurence.

"9 dollars is a lot of money." my cousin says.
"And then..." I wait.

"That's it. He asked how many of us there was and he gave me the tickets." she says and laughs.

"Hmm." I say. "You better go back and give that boy a kiss. One of you. You know that's what he wanted right?"

When we came back. Somebody else was working the counter. Hmm. Maybe he just really didn't give a shit and was ready to go.

Spring Break pt.1 Handling Business....not really

When I came to South Fla during spring break on the day of my aunt's bday I arrived in the house and my cousin(K) was giving me this look. I knew that look. Troubling brewing somewhere. My other cousin(J) had called me from work to tell me there was business to handle. Look....everytime...I come...back...home....there's some foolishness they get caught up in that for some reason involves me. I told them I didn't even want to know.

So when my aunt leaves the room.
K tells me the story. Basically one of their friends homeboys which they don't even know came in and stole my cuz's itouch from the kitchen counter while she was upstairs.

"What's his name?"
"Black."
"Ok.......his real name"
"I dunno."
"Ok...where does he live."
(shrugs shoulders)"I dunno"
"Ok...what's his number?"
"His homeboy knows it but won't answer the phone."
"Ok..Umm...you guys waited for me to drive down here for this. What am I going to do? Circle the neighborhood...till the itouch come out with his hands up?"
"We thought we would think of something when you got here."
So we thought. Still nothing.

But eventually after some threats, police reports(did absolutely nothing) and 80 freaking dollars(absolute bull shit but we'll just let it go because I'm not getting shot over iTouch)
Circling the neighborhood.
We got it back.
Swew.

A Masculine Touch

First of all I had one of those "Oh Shit!" Mornings. I woke up from a pretty tipsy night to the sun shining through my window. I look at the clock saying 7:36 and start freaking out even more.

I'm late! OMG, I'm late! The sun's out that means I'm late I have to wake up before light or I'm late! Why didn't my alarm go off!Wait.....What day is it? What day is it?"

Then I realized it was Saturday and that I didn't have to get up till 8 to get my hair done.

My usual stylist is a female but she has the male assistant that takes her clients if she's unavailable. A man has never done my hair before. Never. This shall be interesting for some reason. I arrive and he's busy with 3 other clients, that's fine. He tells me that he'll be with me in a minute...."with your big beautiful brown eyes." I smile and say thank you. I assume he's gay because he does hair (...look call be racist or whatever but, every gay guy that does hair I have ever met has been, gay, k?) and think nothing of it.

Then FINALLY I get in his chair. We chit chat this and that and he asks me if I go to school. I say no, "I teach."
He says get out of here! Teach what?
"I'm out of school,I teach 2nd Grade."
He says "Stop lying I thought you were 16, 17."




I look around at the girls getting their hair done for prom, I admit I looked just about as old as them.
"You look maybe even younger than them."
Well...Atleast I won't get in trouble." He says low enough for only me to hear.
What does that mean? Well he's gay so that doesn't mean much really. Haha, is he flirting? Oh but he's gay so it's harmless.
Then he says something about his wife. Woah. Ok, now it's his turn to stop lying. But sure enough. His wife comes (to get her hair done by her husband how lucky) in with the keeeeyyyyuuuuutttest. Little baby. 9 months. Okay so he definitely bangs women....

But even with his wife in the shop, that doesn't stop him from flirting. With all the girls getting their hair done for prom I didn't get back in his chair until 4 HOURS later.
"Sorry for the wait...I can make it up to you. Where do you work again?"
I tell him. But what's he going to do about it?
"I'll show up to your job with something special." Special =Free hair products?

I look at his wife and his cute little baby sitting under the dryer with her. How can a man do this too his family.....sad."Ummmmm can you do my eyebrows? Because you're over here playing around." I say. On top of me not ever thinking of hooking up with this guy because he's MARRIED and has a BABY that is 10 FEET AWAY but he still wants my number anyway. Umm. He's gay. The family's not fooling me.



I must admit...
Had me thinking about marrying a hairstylest...(one who doesn't want to cheat on his wife with someone who he thought was under 18 but she's over 18 and now he thinks it's okay, but has tingly feelings for men but hollers at every female to overcompesate for it.)

Look...I'm just a little lonley, yall.

For What It's Worth

When I first started blogging....

I just blogged things that I knew that if anybody found it I wouldn't care. I had a bad experience with pouring my soul out on the internet...

The last person in the world that I wanted to find it, found it.

And things went downhill from there.

It's wasn't that bad but...somethings are just better left unsaid.


Had to delete a post...I went to a seminar yesterday about Ethics and the standards for teachers and uh...they have lost their jobs for all types of reasons. I mean there's the little reasons like sleeping with the students, flirting, showing them porn that you downloaded from home...
(Florida has the highest rate of teacher violating the code of ethics...Look...I don't know what's that's all about but a child...I mean a CHILD...you teach a child...not..you know. well, you know)
but then there was other stuff like..knowing somebody who smokes that herb or writing a note about how you can't stand your students using their names etc...

I'm not getting let go because of some "Truth or Dare" post.

Oh yeah, I love my kids for what it's worth.

Moving on.

When the World Hates You...

Sometimes...

People may not like you not because anything you said or did...but because of who you are.

Some ignorantly informed preconcevied notion...

So you just have to "brush them haters off." lol.

This woman at my job who I don't even talk to has a problem with me. I don't see how.

All I ever do is smile and say "hi."

Well one day, I said "have a good weekend." and she turned around like I was the chick that had slept with her man and now I'm carrying his twins.

I continued to smile and walk out the door.

A look says it all. I'm not even going to try and figure out what the problem is because frankly, I have sympathy for her.

What can be going on in your life that is so bad that a smile and a greeting can cause you anger?

So whatever the problem is, live goes on. Choose your battles wisely, and this is a pointless battle.

Jesus said in his last days.
"When the world hates you, remember, it hated me first."

And who? Who can hate him?
People with issues in their life, that's who.

One of my students just asked me....

"Ms. S."
"Yep."
"What kind of book was Moby Dick." I look at her with my head cocked to the side and narrowed eyes.....lol, she takes a step back.
"A book about a whale." I say.
"They were speaking negative, saying it was a book about...."
"You know what, that's move on. Let's keep it moving"

Feel like an Animal

This morning I woke up to some cats going at it. I don't how many but it was wild and it broke into my dreams and when I finally awoke it still felt like I was dreaming I mean they were just...shuffling, growling, whining, beating against the wall from outside. I was too tired to have a looksy so I just layed there frustrated. Finally the other cat was howling for mercy. They woke me up 30 mins before the alarm. Should have went and beat them both.


On my way home I saw an eagle for the first time ....an eagle. Don't see that too often and it was carrying what looked like a rat and I'm thinking. One. Where in the he** did that eagle come from. Two. That rat is f*cked. Worse than that cat that had it this morning.

No water? Could be worse

Sometimes my apartment complex turns off the water for maintenance purposes.
Sometimes they send out notices....
Sometimes they don't.
Today they did not.
This shit is unethical I can't even wash my hands or do my laundry.
Or take a a shower!

Will be brushing my teeth with Zypherhills water....
That's end of my whiny list.

It could be worse. I could be mid perm burning scalp like in the beginning scenes of Malcom X....
It could be much worse.

All I want.

Will finish this later but I just heard this throwback song and was inspired.


This is all I want in a guy. This is it, here it is. My golden list of wants...

He...

must be able to make me laugh

believe in God, Jesus the whole package.

be open minded (listen to all kinds of music, watch all kinds of movies)

be confident in himself

has to be taller than me. I'm 5'8 gotta be my height or taller.

must have ambition and believe in himself.

must be genuine...have a pure heart underneath it all. I mean not be perfect but...just be sincere in general.

Oh yeah! Must be able to talk about nothing and everything from deep subjects to light conversation etc...

That's it. Kinda.

Ofcourse "someone I can talk to...someone who will listen...to what I have to say"

Yeah. I told.

On my way the here I told "Chris" everything about muscle man. Yeah I tattled. He needed to know about his trifling friend. Chris said I had to understand that he was probably just attracted to me...(so we make up excuses for trifling people now...?) It's not even about attraction, people like them find pleasure it taking other people's joy. That's all. If he didn't know my relationship with him I'm pretty sure he wouldn't be that interested.

I don't associate with him much anymore. He still sends texts but my replies are not open ended. So go on head boy. Leave this gal alone.

On the Road

I drove to Miami yesterday...

Sometimes when I'm driving there are similar cars that are around me and it seems like whether they are fast or slow....we always seem to catch up with eachother. It may be someone I try to race just because or some slow bastid in the left lane. So if even for a bit they are out of my site they reappear again. And because we're sharing this journey I feel like we've become friends.

Only.

At some point they get off at an exit.

Then it's like.

"Damn we made it this far and your just going to leave me like that? Look how far we've traveled I thought this meant more to you than simplY 'getting to a destination' I don't care if that's where you grandparents live! What...does that really mean...what do I mean to you...Fine. Leave. I'll go the rest

Alone.

I started this alone and this'll end with me alone.

I really never needed you."

Or If I'm getting off the exit it's like

"I made it. Finally. Shit. My legs hurt. Bye bitches."

So really Blackberry...this is what we do? Call people randomly...awkward morning conversation.

I mean.

I know I was supposed to put you on the charger but you do me like this?!
Bitch.

I'm on spring break...so I get to sleep in so at about 8:30 my time 7:30 HIS time.
My elbow hits the phone and calls.

My ex from High-school
EXTRA throw back.

He got extra fine over the years so I kinda of recrushed him...but I'm over that mess..kinda.
I hear ringing in my dreams and all I want to do it stop the damn ringing. I hang up.
10 minutes later he calls back waking me out of my sleep.

Me: (groggily) Hullo?
Him: lol...hey. (It's good to hear your voice)
Me:What up (Not knowing who it is...)
Him: Hi? (but why 7:30 in the morning)
Me: Who...why..
Him: oh so you deleted my phone number huh? (so this call wasn't intentionally...disappointing)
lol. why'd you call?(still love me don't you.)
Me: (looking at phone discovering who it is.shit! Really?) Oh!....Hi.(nervous laugh) (I called you in my dreams and...you answered.)
Him.: Hi. (I missed you too...)
Me: I uuuh. Sleep next to my phone. Accidental call but...what's up. Accidental call are great. (I love this mistake)
Him: So you're you called me accidentally. (You still want me)
Me: Yep. (I do)
Him: So "Y" is at the top of your phone list.(Just admit it, damn it)
Me: Lol, yep. right before "A"(I can't...My pride hinders...me)
Him: Interesting. (Well...I still want you)
Me: Why say it like that? (If you only knew....)
Him: Just think it's interesting that "Y" is at the top of the list.(just admit it damn it!)
Me: Ummm, well it is. I love this.(I can't)
Him: (laughs) I was getting ready for work and was like....why is my phone ringing?? (what a beautiful surprise....)
Me: Yeah it's 7:30 over there right?? (Any times a good time to hear your voice...)
(more awkward laughs of confusion....)
Me:So...have fun at work? (This can't be the last I hear from you...)
Him: Lol..yeah ok. Talk t you later? (It won't be. Call you on your birthday.)
Me: Alright.....(Good bye my love)

I just need to start locking my damn keypad.

I'm telling on you...muscle man.

I promised that if I ever saw him that I would just walk by and not even acknowledge him.

He and my ex used to party (valuable time that could of been spent with me) When he wasn't busy with that 40 hour a week prisoning institution they call a school (F.u.ll Sa.il)

It annoyed me so much. Hence the reason why he's an ex.

He symbolized my frustration with my ex and if I ever saw him... if I ever crossed his path I would just nonchalantly act like he wasn't there.

He works at the gym where I'm member but I decided that I was no longer interested in being a member there. Mainly because they conned me into signing a 3 YEAR CONTRACT and the only way to get out of IT was to go 17 TIMES within the first 60 days of signing up and if I wasn't satisfied I could cancel.

Guess who waited last minute and had to go 14 times in a row.

My first day there. I saw him. My nemesis. He's only seen me twice and that was a while ago so he shouldn't recognize me...right?

I try to follow suit. There he is. That devil. I'm just going to walk by and....
He stops. Immediately.
"You look familiar." He says. Just say you don't know him.
"Hmmm, I have no idea what your talking about."
"I know you from somewhere."
ummmm "UFC?"
"Naw. So you know....Chris."
My emotions give way at just the mentioning of his name and I glare at him.
"Of course I know that boy.." I smile. Roxy don't smile!

He offers a free training session. Fine whatever it's free.
And he trains me. Arms. Thighs. Abs...he makes me laugh. He's hella short though but...nice. No wonder my ex hung around him so much. That fruit.

Then he starts to text me. Okaaaay. This is unprofessional? And what would your homeboy think...you texting his ex girl...our relationship fizzled only a month ago. That's it. But shit... If I have to be at the damn gym 14 TIMES in a row then fine, I'll enjoy the company but I can't suppress this awkward feeling when after each session I'm standing in the gym parking lot talking to him for 2 hours.

Is he going to tell my ex about this. They still hang out.

While having a convo with my ex his name comes up and he knew all along that he been my trainer. He had this forced apathetic tone and I knew...somewhere...deep down...he thought...and I HOPED he believed that I had a little more integrity...but I know it might have crossed his mind that I had crossed the line with his friend. I told him straight up. I'm not that type of girl. And if you thought that I would go there then...you never knew me that well. He backs down saying that he didn't think I would. Liar.

SO homeboy keeps texting me, outside of the gym interactions. Asking to come over. this is around 11 at night. WHO arrives at anybody's house after 10 that isn't about to try the person he's about to visit.

He asks me where I live.
I say on Alfalfa.
Where on Alfalfa.
By the school.
Where by the school? There's plenty apartments by the school.
Well then I guess you should start a knocking right?

He says he'll call me when he gets on my street. I said I might be asleep when he calls. So he shows up on my street. Did Roxy answer the phone to provide him direction? Nope. Green, I know. But he's the one stepping out of line. He still texted me the next day though. Called me beautiful. Hmmmm. Now YOUR REALLY OUT OF LINE.

I started going to the gym when I knew I wouldn't see him.
Thinking that maybe I should tell my ex how grimey his boy was.
But why? He's my ex....But we are friends.
Today's my 17th day going to that that damn GYM. All I have to do is write corporate and tell them it's OVER. And I don't have to see that boy. No mo. But I can't lie....I did like the attention.
Oh yeah. He told me later on that he was 19. Had I known that while he was training me? I wouldn't have taken orders from a little youngin.

I got Work to Do

I can blog at work! Thought this site would be blocked along with Facebook and Myspace!

Let's take a moment to thank God. Or just be thankful. God, thank you for this day. Thank you for my life. Thank you for these misbehaving kids that make life interesting. Thank you for allowing me to teach another year. Amen.


And I'm sitting here. It's report card night and only 4 parents came but I still have to sit here for another 2 hours....But thank God...I'm still sitting here.!

OUR ECONOMY IS F*CKED RIGHT NOW, B-A-R-A-CK-, M-C-C-A-I-N, C-L-I-N-T-O-N (with your lying a- self..really hillary? really, they were shooting at you in Baghdad, I couldn't tell with that welcome party going on? come on.) DO SOMETHING. Our economy sucks! 1/2 a trillion dollars thousands spent on...I really don't know. Thousands of lives...because....someone help me answer that.GAS PRICES.Remember when gas was 99?

So because of this 70 million Dollars has been cut from O-town public schools. That's like cutting 10 NBA players or..... couple thousand teachers. One of them almost being me because...

This is my work ethic.

Responsible Adult: Ms. Roxy you missed the meeting
Me: What Meeting?
Responsible Adult:The meeting about the meeting.
Me: I didn't hear about the meeting.
Responsible Adult:It was in the e-mail.
What e-mail?
Responsible Adult:The reminder e-mail about the e-mail.

So one day I bust in the principle's office thinking I was late for a meeting that didn't exist and I get that familiar look like...."ok. what's she on." And she kinda smiles because who on earth does this??
But she still reappointed me. Depsite there being Thousands of people more qualified than me scrambling for a job right now in these hard times...she reappointed me. And for that I say...amen.

Ok parent just came in, holla.

Smile

Smile though your heart is aching Smile even though its breaking When there are clouds in the sky, youll get by If you smile through your fear and sorrow Smile and maybe tomorrow Youll see the sun come shining through for you Light up your face with gladness Hide every trace of sadness Although a tear may be ever so near Thats the time you must keep on trying Smile, whats the use of crying? Youll find that life is still worthwhile If you just smile Thats the time you must keep on trying Smile, whats the use of crying? Youll find that life is still worthwhile If you just smile

I used to think that song was bull, if I'm not feeling it on the inside then why fake it on the outside? But this woman might have changed my mind on that. Saturday I was in the mood for Vitamin C so after my work out I hit Publix, where shopping is a pleasure, for some oranges. A woman smiled at me and she was missing maybe four teeth in the front and her smile was mostly tongue but she warmed my heart sharing her joy with me. I smiled back but I didn't show my teeth because I would have felt like I was showing off so I gave her a pleasant grin. And even though I wasn't feeling it before, my heart was warm.

Black Face is Back

Guy in the middle. African American? Not quite. Robert Downey Jr. in brown face....I honestly wouldn't have known at first...second..third glance. The movie looks like it might be funny...I love Jack Black and Ben Stiller, Bob better not act extra ignant(ingorant) though.

Plain as...my day.

A little girl's fake ponytail fell on the ground in the middle of chaos. Was I not supposed to laugh. I hope not. Because I did. Hard.

I listened to Bob Marley while I waited for my sushi.
"No Woman No Cry"

I was invited by "F*CK YOU" on myspace to be friends. I think I'll decline.

I ate a bowl of whip cream and honey wishing I had strawberries.
Whatever. Forget the strawberries.

Victory

Now for my victory.

February is my month. Chocolate. Love. Chocolately Love. Love all over my chocolate.....Lovely Chocolate. ...Black History Month.
I work at a 98% black school and the only thing they learned about was Martin Luther King and Rosa Parks. And whatever BET provides 365 days a year.

My mentor and I decided that we were going to each write a play for our students to perform. Of course this was another competition.

In Class Feb.1
Me:"I wrote a Black History Play for the Class and you guys are going to perform it for the school."
"Ooooh! Ooh! Can I be Martin Luther King?"
Me:"He's not in it."
"Oooh! Oooh! Can I be Rosa Parks?"
Me:"Rosa Parks is not in it. You guys have the rest of your lives to learn about Martin and Rosa, we're going to talk about black scientist, doctors, and inventor-"
16 bored confused faces looking at me.
Me "Look. Did you guys know a black person invented the traffic light?"
"A black person did that?"
16 stares of disbelief.
"I thought God invented the traffic light"
"I ain't even much gon' lie, I thought God invented it too."
Me"No, God didn't invent the traffic light. Gerret Morgan did. A black man."
"But God can do anything!"
Me"Yeah...ok. Through influence of God, Gerret Morgan invented the traffic light. Black people don't just sing and dance, they invented things."
"Ohhhh."


So for two weeks we practiced. For two weeks they drove me crazy. My shit was not together and it really didn't help for me to peek next door and see my competitor's class wearing costumes....Where in the hell did she get a slave costume for a child?? Huh?? Is there a white supremacist costume in there too?? Whatever works. I don't have any money for costumes.
Me "True actors don't need costumes."
"But Ms. B's class has costumes."
Me "Look Ms. S is just poor, k?"
"Man I wish I was in Ms. B's class." Nice. Jerk.

Now before when we had kid productions we had an audience of 30. You can fail in front of 30 people. My competitor invited 200+ people. My competitor had a fancy stage and a card board bus and decorations all over the stage. Her class was started to look like broadway while mine was.....grand central.
Me"True acters don't need a fancy stage"
"Man, whatever. I wish I was in that other class. We're going to suck." Nice again. Jerk.

We practiced and practiced until they did it right. Then they went back to doing wrong. Then they did it right. And then totally lost focus period. Day before the production the black history play turned into a shouting match between second graders.
"Pay attention!"
"Don't tell me my line I know how to read BOY!"
"Shut UP with your bald ugly black self"
"Yo Momma"
"Ms. S he talkin bout my Momma!"
Me "ENOUGH. Is this how we're going to look on stage? Is this how we want the whole school to see you? Is this.....forget it. It's up to you guys. I can tell you right now. That other class has there act together. But us...I dunno it's up to you guys. It's you on that stage, not me...."
I didn't want them to feel like they failed again. I didn't want people to come just to see them lose......
"Do you still want to go up there?"
16 faces saying...."why wouldn't we?" All I could think was. Again, we're going to be embarrassed and but this time. I can see it coming.

Game day
I had it in my head that we were going to suck again. But my students didn't care and neither did I. 200 people so what. I got the speech in my head ready for the aftermath. "You guys did great, I don't care what any one has to say. You all worked hard.........."

My competitor went first. The curtain opened up, 15 students dressed in the cutest costumes...and a set designed with the assistance of the art teacher. And when the first student spoke in that monotone "Hi I'm a kid and when I read out loud I sound like a robot" voice. I thought....well. Maybe we do have a chance. And so went the entire production. Fancy production...nice message....but I was bored.

And then it was our turn. I thought "Ok so since the first class didn't do that great we won't look that bad." And on they walked on the stage. With a confidence.....I had never see before.
And when my first student opened his mouth....he did exactly what I told him. They all did. The audience laughed and "oooed" and nodded heads in agreement. And then they clapped. Not just a sympathy clap either.
We won.
But I didn't do it for the win. I did it to teach some people about

Benjamin Banneker
Charles Brooks
Lennie Johnson
Patricia Bath
Mae Jemison
Dr. Phillip Emeagwali
George Carruthers
Benjamin Carson
Thomas Jennings
Sarah Goode
Charles Drew
Dr. Daniel Hale Williams
Garret Morgan

Google Them.

No One

Defeat.

That's what it felt But it wasn't THEM that they looked at it was the "director".

Me.

Newbie, lost, inexperienced, Ms. S aka "I-can't-believe-they-hired-her-she-looks-so-young-ofcourse-she-failed-ha-ha".

Bitches.

I walked back to my class room feeling like I failed my students. Who knew the other class would look so damn good....and their parents came out to see this.15 dissappointed faces stared at me and I didn't blame them for wanting to be in that other class.....I was supposed to be the one with the acting experience. I treated them like adults. Damn.

Then there was Triniti who lightly smiled and told me that her class was the winner. What a liar...but it was a beautiful try. I could do no wrong in her eyes. That child has a heart of gold.

I printed the lyrics to Alicia Keys "No One" and handed it out. Played the CD...and explained to them "People keep talking, they can say what they like, I don't worry cause everything's gonna be alright" Were words to live by. They were just psyched that they had a teacher that would play those kinda songs in class.

Next time.