Kids

I love kids. They're so keeeyute, when they're not being a spoiled brat, but even then they can be.

Last time I went back home I was in the Step-Dad's office playing on his laptop when my little brother comes in wanting to know what I was doing. His pet turtle/tortoise was in the room and he asked me if I met her. I told him I did, and that I knew he was afraid of it. Conversation went something like this.

"You see my turtle his name is Robin"
"Yeah I saw her already"
"I'm scared of him."
"Why are you scared, there's nothing to be scared of"
"He's cute right?"
"Yeah she's cute"
"Take her out"
"No you take her out"
"But I'm scared"
"I thought you just said she was cute."
"She is cute"
"So take her out."
"No I'm scared"
"Don't be scared, you take her out"
"No you take her out, please, please take her out"
"But your scared"
"I'm not scared"
"So take her out."
"No you take her out."
"Why do you want me to take her out"
"Because she's cute."
"So if she's so cute then take her out"
....this coversation went on for maybe a half hour. I was happy to be arguing with my little br0ther. I didn't care how pointless it was.

I think I missed that line where they were handing out identities

Is there such thing as having too much in common with someone? Too the point where...hmm.

Do opposites really attract? Hmm....

I think I missed that line where they were handing out identities because one day I woke up and realized that nothing could define me, and it turns out my identity can't be defined. Shit. I've got to fall in some kind of stereotype so I could find a group of people that like what a like, I think I must have missed that meeting when they discussed what I'm supposed to like too. Damn. Guess I'm stuck being an individual. Is it too late for one of those meetings? I'll take a lot of notes.

Nothing even matters

Went to another galaxy the other day
couldn't stop thinking how the universe I got there

I can't seem to find my soul it was searching for
another couldn't find my words they were
already being said
and I thought maybe this was heaven
and no one had the heart to tell me I was dead
but it didn't matter cause nothing even matters is all I could remember
from that other place..playing on radios with missing antennas
and thinking that maybe this beat is what kept my heart beating
and maybe the anticipation of another meeting
but he never came and the music just played
and that's all I really wanted to do
and when I tried to remember my name
all that showed up was ur face
I didn't pack my bags I left you in that place and
some part of me was still standing there
and when I tried to say....it was already being said but
I didn't know the source.
And when the music played I couldn't imagine a better space
than this twin bed and and my back against the cold wood in '98 (or maybe it was 97)
thinking there's no place in the world I'd rather be
cause nothing even matters at all.
I went to another galaxy the other day and all I could
remember was her face..and
how much she wanted to disappear and when they asked
where she was,before she could respond she was somewhere else
and they thought they knew where that place was but if they only knew....
And the music kept playing till it she could remember his face
but that's not what she only wanted to see..
She had to return to press rewind because she never cared for CD's..
and the humm would just be there on the floor and fingertips would
grace the carpet in anticipation for the end. In the end there's was always rewind
In the end there was always..rewind. And when she'd ask where she had been she'd say "nothing"
She wasn't really sure how to explain...nothing even mattered at all.
Nothing but you...Nothing but you....if you came to that galaxy with me.
...there'd be no reason to come back.

Wrote that a couple months ago.

He's gone, ok?

I don't know how to tell my mom me and my ex broke up in January. After two year and some change. I didn't even know she liked him untill I went home for Spring break and she. kept. on. mentioning.him. That and how she wanted grandkids. Woah. My little brother is going to have to be her grandkid for now.Whatever, I'm staying single for all of '06. I did get "married" for a little bit though, lol. A platonic marriage...how about that? I'm going to think REALLY hard about it next time I let my boyfriend meet my ENTIRE family...goodness.

It's good to know what you want.

He's gone, k? Well not completely

Back home, Part 3, the worst

We get back from Denny's. My cuz mentioned before that she wanted to visit her middle school. What nerd, who visits they're teachers after leave. I say fine whatever let's go. I realize that her guy friend is still there. Did he plan on going home anytime soon? Did he want to come to the middle school with us even though he'd never attended there?

Me and my cuz kind of have our own language. It was made up a couple years ago when I spent a loong summer back home. I can't even describe it, it's like a mumble with a old man...southern dialect of maybe the alabama or mississippi area? Lol...dunno. We discovered it when she was making a prank call one day. The problem is, sometimes we don't realize people don't know what the hell we're talking about.

I say to my cuz looking over at her guy friend "alksjfaskljdfhaskljfhaskljfhasdkjfh"
translation: "Is he going to come with us?"
She says "sdlfkdfgsdlfgjdlaskdjasdkjh"
translation: I don't know, he has nothing else to do
I say: "asdkjasdlkjasdiasjdka"
translation: "Is he going to be here all day"
She says: "asldkjaslkdjaslkjdlkjslkasdj"
translation: "I don't know....seems like-"

All of a sudden her guy friend yells "WHAT ARE YOU GUYS SPEAKING?!"
I laughed. so. hard. The frustration/confusion on his face was...hilarious. Mainly because we didnt even realize we were talking that way.


After we get back from visiting the middle we all go upstairs in my cuz's room. Her guy friend tinkers around on the internet then lays face first on her bed and falls dead asleep. My cuz turns on the t.v. and Roseanne marothon is on. She loves Roseanne, so do I . I'm sitting at the computer chair and and I look at the boy sleeping on her bed, then I look at her...and struggle with the "what's the responsible adult thing to do" but I figure...well. Whatever, my aunt knows he visits every now and then so I don't think it's a huge problem. My cuz asks me to read her my "My two birds were on a telephone pole" story to her again. She's always been a fan of my writing. I decide I'm tired too, and there's no space left on that bed, so I go to my other cousin's room and fall asleep.

I wake up to my cousin's phone ringing next to me, although I 'm not sure why it's there. Some friend from school....I wake up again.. this time it says "Angel" her mom. I look at the clock and it's like 6:30 something. I go into her room. She's not there. My older cousin comes out of her room and asks if I've seen. "L" I tell her no. Her mom had called her too. I searched the house, still can't find her. I go downstairs check everywhere. She's not there. I ask the neighborhood kids that have to be the last kids on earth who still play outside EVERYDAY...Once when I was 19 they asked me if I wanted to play kickball with them...I was half tempted too...One kid said she had left 10 minutes ago. I wondered if any of them owned a watch and knew the meaning of 10 minutes. My aunt calls her phone again, I don't answer. I have no answer for her. My older cousin tells her she doesn't know where she is once again. Then I look outside again. My car is gone. I'm furious. I ask my cousin for the keys to her car and we drive around the neighborhood looking for my car...we have no idea where to look, where to go, what street I'm just driving with mindless fury...."She must have lost her mind" I kept saying. My cuz suggests it was his fault, but I assure her that she has a mind of her own. She's always been an independent thinker. I was more hurt than anything.
We get home with no success. I remember my cuz's phone must have her guy friend in the recent calls list. I find his name and dial his number. He answers.
"Hello"
"Where is my car?"
"........'L'.."
"You guys have 10 minutes to get here with my car, or I'm reporting stolen and you both are going to jail. Ok?" he hangs up.
I wait. My cars still not there. I don't keep track of the time. 2 minutes must have gone by. I call again. No one answers. His voice mail was some song I never heard, I listened to the squealing impatiently waiting for the freakin tone. "You guys have 5 minutes to get here before I report my car stolen and you two are going to jail" An empty threat. But I figured they would get here faster that way. My older cuz talks about how she supsects that she took her car without asking before. I don't say anything. I already knew truth of that story. I call again. This time my cousin answers.
"Hello"
"Where are you." I say.
"Hiatus"
"Why the hell are you on Hiatus?" Hiatus was probably a mile or two away.....
".....::sigh::I didn't..." her voice trails off.
" Get my car here. NOW."

While I wait for them. I stare towards the garage door. My older cousin in sitting at the kitchen table talking to my aunt on the phone. I tell her not to say anything yet. I need to organize my thoughts...but I didn't know what to think. It was surreal...like I didn't know her at all. I look towards the front door. My car is back. I wait. My cuz walks in pale in the face and sits down on the steps. I lean against the counter...my fury being replaced with hurt and confusion.

My cuz has been there at the lowest of the lowest points of my life. When I felt like there was no love left in this world, no true genuine love, he proved me wrong. When I was pretty much sure I was worthless her lit her face when I would arrive told me otherwise. She was the reason..I continued to write, she taught me how to love...she was my strength when I thought I was no one at all. And when people in my life made me feel so low...and I'd take my sadness out on her...she showed my how to...forgive. I'd always thought I had been this horrible person to her in the past, but for some reason...she could never recall. She prank called businesses to make me laugh, acted as though my writing was the greatest thing she read, turned her back on whoever made me sad.... and here I was looking for the words to show how pissed off I was. This must be what it feels like to be a parent.

"Where's J?" I ask her. He hid in the bathroom.
"Why did you take my car?"
" His mom called, his two younger brothers were home by themselves so he needed to go check on them, and he wanted to pick up his paycheck to pay you back for the gas."
"Aunty has been calling for you. What did you expect me to say when I had no idea where you were. What did u expect me say? I woke up and you were gone and my car was gone. You don't even have a learner's permit. If anything had happened to you, it would have been my ass. Not just you. You could have been laying in a ditch somewhere, I wouldn't have known. If anything, anything, could have happened to my CAR my mother is going to let me drive around with what's left of it, so I'm really hoping you'd leave me with atleast an engine and some wheels. You really have to think before you do these things. You really have to just, stop and think. 'How does this look to other people' because to you it's yeah I'm going to take the car and be right back and everything is going to be all good. But for me, I woke up, you were gone and so was my car. I could have reported my car stolen and you two would have been in jail. No questions asked. And you really don't want that on your record. Did you not think I wasn't going to wake up anytime soon? I mean how long did you really think I was going to stay alseep?"
She shruggs her shoulders.
"You really have to think before you do these things. And please, let someone know before you leave I mean you basically left me with nothing. Nothing. I woke up with a chicken bone on the table and I was supposed to make Thanksgiving dinner. Didn't leave even leave me a turkey bone. No, chicken. I had nothing to work with it. Why did it have to be the weekend I was here? You had all day to plan this drama and you wait till an hour and a half before Aunty comes home. Do you know if Aunty finds out all she has to do is mention to my mom 'it was the weekend that I was there' you know what's going to happen to me? All I can hear is "'A', you mean to tell me say, you let 'L' let a boy in the house that you don't even know, and you let him stay in the room and you go in the other room and fall asleep. How can you be so irresponsible? Aunty works hard for what she has in that house and don't even have the decency to be an adult? You risk her house and your car because you want to be irresponsible...22 years old and.......' I look at my cuz. To be honest, I don't even know this boy. I'm not saying he's a criminal but I just met this guy today, I don't know what he's capable of doing....Look, I didn't sign up for this! I came to have a fun weekend...not even weekend..fun "middle" of the week you know, where we go to...to Outback Steakhouse and we have the bread. That brown bread and you cut it in half and you smear that tasty butter in...that bread it so good. I want one of those weekends. I. Did. Not. Sign up for this. There's this line that you go to, it's labeled "unneccessary drama" and I purposely missed that meeting, the memos the updates to I wouldn't have to be near that line. But what happens? Somebody signs me up. Somebody. So basically this was all pretty much set up and I should have known. Next time you do something, think through every step carefully, make it flawless and do it on a weekend that I AM NOT HERE.You had all day to plan this drama and you wait till an hour and a half before Aunty comes home. Waite...why am I telling you when to do wrong. Look. I don't know if I'm going to tell Aunty yet. She's been having a rough time lately, I can tell....she does not need to come home to this...this will break. her. heart. You know that. And can you please tell "J" stop hiding in that damn bathroom I'm not going to bite him. Look just promise me, J. I can't see you but I know you can hear me. Can you please...just please go to school, become something successful in life, and let this be the dumbest thing you've ever do. And "L" promise me...let people know where you are. And don't ever. EVER take somebody's car without asking. I don't ever. EVER put me in this position again. I know what it's like to misunderstood....you know what I had to deal with, you've even witnessed it first hand. Hell, you of all people know why I act the way I do. So I'm going to try to as understanding as possible. I know in your mind your intentions were good, but you have to look at it through other people's eyes. Please, promise me you won't do this to me again. How's "J" getting home?" I ask.
She shruggs her shoulders.
"Walk!" My older cousin says. We just look at her. She missed the lesson of the day. Forgiveness.
It was 7 something. My aunt would be home in less than an hour.
I take J home.
While we're driving there, I ask "L".."what would you do in my position. I mean what?"
she shruggs her shoulders.
Her version of the story.

J's mom calls and she upset about him not being home with his siblings. He asks her to wake me up to I can take him home. When they came in the room, I was sleeping. "L" knew I had to get up at 6 something in the morning to drop my other cuz off so she didn't want to wake me.

"So you thought the better option would to have me wake up and my car be gone?"

She doesn't say anything. But I ask her to continue. "When we got downstairs I came to the room to wake you up one last time..but you were sleeping an I felt bad. He did most of the driving because I was scared...When he got his brother's to their friend's houses he went to his job to pick up his check. That's when you called. And he ran out of his job before he got his check. He tells me we need to drive home quick, I didn't know what happened, I thought he punched his boss in the face or something...He tell me that you called. I thought he was lying. But he said no. We drove home, and all I could think way, you'd never talk to me again."

"Next time, you pull something like this. I'm calling the police and I don't care who's driving my car" I lied. She laughs.

We get home and I attempt to make some kind of dinner, some hopeless chicken teryaki that had been frozen for maybe 5-15 years. We clean up, and I tell my cuz to call my aunt and tell her that you left here ON FOOT and you left you're phone. She calls and my aunt is in a cheery mood and we hoped to keep in that way. We finished that 15 year old chicken teryaki that somehow ended up tasting good.

Back Home...Part Duece

I came home pissed at the flat tire situation..so upset that I wouldn't go inside the house. I called up a friend a talked in the moonlight as I leaned against my car. My younger cousin, who doesn't even have her learners permit, asked to move my car so she can park her mom's car in the garage. I'm so involved in my conversation that I let her...This MUST HAVE GOTTEN TO HER HEAD because later on she...I'll get to that.

So I go inside the house, and into my younger's cousin's room because that's where I always stay, and she's on the computer with a sad face. I tell her I'm sorry I snapped at her. She says how hurt she was that I threw the keys at her when she asked for them, "Do you know what I just went through!" I say, and she says she understands. We begin talking and forget the whole situation. We talk until 3 in the morning because she decided she was going to school becuase it was "Rep a certain cultures Flag Day that lead to certain altercations in the past, one very serious situation that happened when I was attending that high-school dealing with knives and faces" my other cousin of the same age and grade decides that she's going to school and that's the past it won't happen again she goes to sleep at a decent hour. I went to sleep at 3:30 in the morning.

I wake up to the image of my other cousin dressed in her stylish school attire standing there asking "Do you think you can take me to school"
"Noooooooo! This has to be a dream!" I thought, I was sooooo tired. And that high-school is cities away....
"Huh?" I say.
"Can you take me to school" she says. It's definetly not a dream.
"Are you sure you want to go..I mean with the flag day and all." my cousin who's "sleeping" next to me laughs at this.
"Yes, I don't think anything's going to happen and I have to march at the game this evening"
"What time is it?" I ask.
"6:44" she says. My eyes haven't been open at 6:44 since high-school.
I'm lying there still hoping that this is a dream when my aunt walks in with her work uniform on.
"Can tek her for me?" she asks.
I immediately say yes realizing that no, this is not a dream.
Now, yes I used to go to the same high-school. And rode there 4 years of my life...but I had no idea how to take a short cut there, so I took the only way I knew. I-95 with the morning traffic. She got to school at 7:23.

I didn't go back to sleep. I just wondered around the house looking for breakfast. My cuz wakes up and at around 10 something she get's a call from a friend of her's who's a senior and got released from school a week early.
"How do you know I wasn't in school?" she says. He doesn't know he just called for the hell of it.
"Come over I want you to meet my cousin" So he shows up like 3 minutes later. What really get's me is that my cousin doesn't even bother to change, she has a scarf on her head, holes in her shorts, and a faded t-shirt. This was definetly somebody she didn't want to impress.

He comes over, long lean boy with a tall tee, long shorts, and air force ones. Bottom rows of his mouth gold. His hair in braided in some intricate design done by my cuz, I was on the phone with her when my aunt was fussing to her about it. My cuz introduces us and I ask him about his goals in life. He's going to community college. I tell him that's not a bad choice and in two years he can go to whatever public university he wants. This is me encouraging today's youth.

I decide I want to go to Denny's and didn't want to go by myself to I invite both my cousins and my younger cousin's friend to come with me. We get to Denny's and announce to everyone that I'm low on funds so everybody get's like...a 6 dollar limit, lol. Hey there were plenty of 5.99 specials they could choose from so I thought it was pretty fair. Before we got there, My younger Cuz and her friend already agreed that they would share they're meal. Because of this I decided they could up there limit to 9 bucks.
So we're all talking looking, talking, looking at the menu. Waitress comes in, we don't know what we want, she comes back, we still don't know. Then we finally decide but the waitress isn't around. I ask my younger cuz "So what are you getting again?" she had told me before I hadn't seen it on the menue. "The Grand Slam" she replies. Once again, I look on the menu but I don't see it. So we start talking again, waiting for the waitress, she still doesn't show up. So I ask my cousin again
"What are you getting?"
once again, "Grand Slam" she replies.
"Show me cause I can't see it."
Her guy friend points too a small section under the Waffles and Pancakes menue.
There not even bold print it said, Grand Slam, 4.50. The cheapest thing on the menu.
I die laughing.
"Wait....wait. I say we all have a 6 dollar limit, but because you guys are sharing a meal, I say you can get a larger portion, so your limit is now 9 bucks. So you decide forget it! In the grand slam you get 2 pancakes, 2 hashbrowns and 2 pieces of bacon and 2 eggs so that means I get one piece of bacon, one pancake one hashbrown and one egg, sounds like a deal to me! And it's only 4.50? I'll take it! I don't even care that it's not even in bold print or that if I get 2 of these meals I still made the 9 dollar limit. One piece of bacon, one hashbrown, one pancake, and one egg...is all I need. And I'm saving my cuz some money."

"There not even a picture next to it." her friend says.

"Exactly." I say, "See cuz, this is why I love you." I ordered a Grand Slam for both of them.

Back Home... Part 1

So I go back home to see my younger cousin's play that she had a lead role in and my goodness was she wonderful, I heard people in the audience wispering "she's funny"...I'm so proud of her.

So when the plays over me and my older cousin beign the journey home. It's just the 2 of us...we couldn't make it if... We get close to our neighborhood when we get a flat tire. I suggest...we just drive on home. Then we thought...maybe that's not a good idea. Then I suggest we atleast get out of the road. So she turns into this random apartment complex into someone's reserved space. As soon as we park there, because of Murphy's Law (?), the owner of the space comes home. My cousin get's out the car and asks this random stranger in the big must have been an F-250 or something for help. So the dude comes out of his truck and takes a look at the flat tire, I thought this man would be extremely annoyed by this sudden request but no....he's seems unbothered...almost entertained? He had this kind of I think it was a grin on his face like..."what in the world did I come home to"

I've never changed a flat before and didn't want to try now. My ex told me once but I wasn't in the mood to try, all I could picture was the tire rolling away the second we pull off. My Aunt tells me to call my cuz's uncle. He doesn't answer the phone. She then says she doesn't know what to do with a flat tire and goes to SLEEP. Great. Thanks for the support guys, I'm out here in my freakin mini skirt and tube top at 10:30 something at night basicly inviting a lucky stranger to....change a flat tire for me..."please?"

In the mean time we are searching for the jack. Now, the trunk of that car...I can't even describe..it had everything in there, Pot covers, dresses, laundry detergent, a fricken machade (huge cutlass, aka knife), We decide to just start dumping the junk of the street untill we find the jack. By this time I hella pissed and I have laundry detergent all over my fingers.

After I want to say...a half hour I find the jack. IT. SHOULD. NOT. TAKE. A. HALF HOUR. TO. FIND. A. JACK.

As the stranger changes the tire for us I watch thinking, "we could have easily done that!" but once again, he didn't seem like he minded at all...actually a little amused.

When he finished I repeatedly thanked him and he insists it was no problem. then I ask " Can I have you name, just so I can know"

"Ellis" he replies.

"Well Ellis, your an angel" I say.

He gives me a sideways glance, grins, and if I'm not mistaken looks me up and down, and says "Well sometimes, but not all the time" That's when I definetly decided it's time to get home...before we find out how unangelic this man can be...atleast he was honest.

Sometimes I like to steal.

I hate when I'm trying to download a song and then I keep getting the screwed up version that's supposed to keep people from downloading. I mean...yeah it's illegal but that is so annoying.

I was driving home from my excuse for a job and I heard a familiar voice on the radio singing a song that...I liked. Turns out the singer went to my high-school. I came home and downloaded it. I wish him much success, I really do...even though I'm downloading his....

Initially I started blogging to get away from other internet sites that I was rediculously addicted to, then that didn't work but now...I'm going to lay low for a little while longer. Focus on the relationships that aren't dependent on internet sites. So I'm back in solitude on my little island...

Went to return a book that I thought might be overdue. When I found out it wasn't the guy who checked the status for me (went to my high-school) was dissappointed. Lol, what a jerk.

Vultures are so wierd and creepy. There's a lake in my back yard. And whenever I so much as peek out the blinds to see them dining on whatever decaying feast they come by one of them look towards the blinds. Always thinks it's just me...they can't know I'm looking at them I must be paranoid. But no, I looked out there today and as soon as I peaked through the blinds the scary thing walks over, and closer, till he's a few feet away from my sliding glass door and he does this neck thing where it's head get's closer and his body stays put...and I'm just like..."what you looking at" and it's just like "why don't you want to come outside you scared?" and I'm like..."yeah, you might eat me" but can't be. they only like things already dead. creepy birds.

Like a dirty mistress would...

Couple days ago I went to Blockbuster to rent Waiting....which somebody I knew already had but I forgot. I walk in and held the door for an older man, he says "thank-you" and I say your welcome without turning around. There's another door, so once I again I hold it for the man because that's just the courteous thing to do around these parts. Once again, he says thank-you I say your welcome. And then he says. "I like your hat"
I was wearing my new hat...the one that actually belongs to me. Black military hat with diamond studs. I said thank-you again without turning around because it was like yeah whatever older man. Leave me alone and just stop hitting on me I know your married and have kids my age you jerk and here you are flirting with me in Blockbuster. Goodness, I mean where are your morals I'm like half your age stop trying to dip in chocolate, alright?

So I go get my movie and proceed to check-out ...when I look over at where the "Older man" who I just held the door for was looking at recent releases. Oh shi*! I know him.

"Professor (?)!" I say He turns and looks at me. He has no idea who I am, I don't blame him it was like 2 semesters ago that I had him. He smiles politely.

"I had no idea that was you."
He smiles and says "that's okay" I'm sure he had no idea I was his former student anyway. We continue with the small talk and then he asks if I would like a recommendation letter. I put my arms all over (hugged) him like a dirty mistress would....
I was such an idiot!

Instances

I appreciate conversation. Especially meaningful conversations about nothing, I love that, getting sucked in to them.. its never an issue that will create too much steam leaving something hurt or offended...it usually just ends up with a solution not really resolved and everybody just going on with their lives.

Yesterday The new guy at my job asked me if I had seen the movie "Waiting..." I hadn't at the time but wanted to see it. He says "You'd have to be openminded to think it was funny" lol, silly man. He has no idea. I LOVE COMEDY AND COMEDIANS. And one of my favorite comedians are in that movie, Dane Cook.

I hate losing my remote. I think if you really don't like someone and you want to piss them off...for example it's a bad break up and it's the last time your ever going to be at they're place just...hide they're remote or take it with you..I mean that will really piss them off. I know would be. I spent 20 bucks buying a remote for my TV that's probably just hidden somewhere but I've searched high and low and that thing is gone.

I called my sister to tell her that my cousin on hi5.com wanted her e-mail address. She hates hi5.com and facebook and all that. It just surprises me HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE ON HI5.COM. I mean damn, it's like a bootleg,Myspace...and let's not get into MYSPACE. I just found out ...(I'm probably late) Aaron McGruder (man who created Boondocks) is on there.

This little girl sang to me and my co worker today. She was there with her mom and My coworker asked if she could talk, and she nodded yes, and then she asked if she could sing, and her mom answered for her and said yes, but of course she was a shy little thing and didn't want to. Then maybe 5 minutes later, he mom brought her over and she sang for us. I put on the cheesiest expression on my face...to encourage her you know, cause who knows how hard it is to sing to complete strangers...people were just like...."why is that little girl singing" but who cares. She was cuter than ever. It was the song about...Someone putting a turtle in a bathtub so see if he could swim."He ate a up all the water, he ate up all the soap...... Bubble, Bubble, Bubble".....I think I learned some version of that when I was a kid. I think just about everybody did.

The moon is full, I think people lose they're mind on the inkling that there's going to be a full moon. And then they go buy shoes.

My co worker is racist. And probably a bigot. But he loves working with me and I with him. Matter of fact, My female co worker started cleaning our chairs (that also double as containers) that hadn't been cleaned since the store opened and he joined her. And when they're finally done he says "well it used to be your color" referring to me, "and now it's my color, the color of perfection." I stomped on on the newly clean chairs as he was doing his finishing touches. I never get mad at what he says because...1) if I get mad that means I think it's true, and 2) he's just saying what millions of people don't have the balls to say so 3) I don't care I love myself.

Diamonds are forever....people in Africa spend they're lives mining millions of dollars worth of diamonds. And they don't recieve a dime. I used to want a diamond ring when I got married but..now I don't even know anymore. I'd want to know where it came from, who got screwed over to get it, did people die? Were children involved? Are they free? Was someone's freedom sacrificed to get this? Were they a hint of happy when they found this? I could tap dance a little bit, sell my soul for a little bit of cash, and then wear them in my mouth...yeah that makes sense. I think the ones who find them should wear them...with pride, and feel do damn beautiful.

I think God is trying to tell me something. If he isn't then I must look like I need some type of divine intervention. I helped a woman who asked me to get the same shoe like 8 times, but that's alright because I'm used to that...she saw how patient I was, and was amazed. She was from New York and the survived the hippy era and her brother was a recovering addict...how I I get into these conversation with random customers, I'm not ever sure. While she was getting her money, a little piece of paper caught my eye starting with the words "Dear Heavenly Father..." I thought immediately, yeah this woman's a christian, and I think about how I haven't read the Bible in a while. She then hands me the piece of paper which said this
"Dear Heavenly Father

I come to you in Jesus's name. I am calling you to be saved. I believe Jesus Christ. Your Son, is the Savior of the world. Please forgive me for all my sins. Thank you for Christ who died on the corss for me and rose again I recieve Jesus into my hear today. I am born of the Holy Spirit, born-again. I am a new person with a new heart. Jesus Chris is my Savior and Lord. I have the gift of eternal life because of my faith in Christ alone. Help me find your plan and purpose for my life.

In Jesus name, Amen"

And as she walks away she tell me about how in the end none of this matters because if I accept him hear on earth eternal riches exist for me in heaven...something like that. I believe her. And as she says that A customer walks up to me and says "Amen." Then as conversation goes on she asks if I go to church, and in my head I'm like....wow, okay either this is a sign or....once again, I just look like someone who needs Jesus is in my life. I tell her I just like reading the bible at home and receiving "the word" directly from the book. She then tell me how I should go to the church she goes to and how I would love it. I hope so. Maybe I'll go, Maybe not. I'll see.

Hello.

I think I missed your laugh.

And when my internet connection screwed up, I called you. It wasn't wierd like when we used to call eachother it was like....talking to an old..FRIEND. (Ooooooooh Nooooooo. It's the motha effing F word.) I make you laugh, and that's crazy because I'm not funny. And you make me laugh, but not just me. I wonder who's laughing at your crazy jokes now.

Where does 2 years, go. It's this era is time that keeps getting pushed further back as time goes by. And I still don't know if it's supposed to be like that. Whatever it's over. Or is it? Only time knows.

My Phone was posessed.

I had this phone since Nov' 03 and that's pretty old for a phone. 1 human year= 40 phone years....

A year after I got the thing whenever I would talk about a certain subject...it would make these wierd noises. I realized all I had to do was take the battery out and put it back in and the noises would go away. Cool. But then recently...once again when discussing a CERTAIN subject...It would all of a sudden start pressing the #9 by itself. It's like 3 in the morning and I'm just talking away when friend is like "Hey, are you pressing buttons..." and I'm like..." No" and then I look on the phone and it has "9999999999" on the display. 9's I didn't press. Umm....ok. So it happens again. I didn't freak out just kept talking. Then the next day around the same time I decide that I'll keep it from my ear so I can catch "him" (the phone) in the act. I'm talking. Looking. Talking. Looking....All of a sudden my phone book opens. Goes to the LAST person on the list. (Which is "Znobody" I made that so it would stop accidentally dialing certain names) And the 9's show up once again. "999999999" Nine 9's appeared on the screen. My friend thought it was funny. I didn't. I was a little scared.

So I got a new phone, one of those flippity ones like the young kids are carrying around nowadays. I'm going to sell my old one on Ebay. 9's haven't appeared on my new phone...maybe the ghosts haven't figured out how to use it. I'm still learning myself.

The city. The city. The city's on fire, we definetly need water because people need somewhere to live.

Last weekend. I was driving home for my brother's b-day party when I'm listening to the radio and they're saying there's a fire in the city I live in. Great. So I'm listening to the location and ofcourse because my life is great it was in my neighborhood. Not my house exactly, thank God in the holy highest, but close enough for the ONLY ROUTE I KNOW, to be blocked. I had to call my mom for directions who was already pissed because I was 6 hours late to my brother's birthday bash. He turned 4 and I kinda think he didn't realize I hadn't made it yet. So I'm sitting in front of the road block...close and yet so far away...I had to whip out my camera and take a few pics because that's probably the most exciting thing to happen in the new not very known town I live in. SO UNKNOWN, in fact, that it was only news in that town. News Stations a couple hours away didn't even bother to touch the subject. So I finally make it to my house. The party's still going on plenty and food and [non-alcoholic..he's 4] drink. BUT NO ELECTRICITY AND NO WATER. I thought about the people at the party who would drive home after it was over but me, I was staying the weekend. And then apart of me thought...it would be the day that I arrive, that this would happen. I got to see some cousins who I hadn't seen in a while, which is great because although some may get on my last nerves. They're good company. It's surprising how convos with them and their "wierd" interests tend to open my mind a little more.
So I'm looking at the bright orange hughe in the sky caused from the fire that wasn't supposed to be there, but...it was kinda pretty. And then I look, straight head, a street away and discover another...bright orange hughe that wasn't supposed to be there. The fire had spread to a street away from me. I was supposed to do the adult thing and go tell my family but I thought....there's no way people couldn't see a freakin fire on they're own block..the police must be on they're way already. My cousins begged me to get a closer look with them. So I walked with them in the dark woods to investigate. This is me being a responsible adult. I kept a greater distance, but my crazy cousins went right by it.Yes, there was a fire, and no there were no cops/ firetrucks around. Damn. Finally the cops discovered it and said that we might have to evacuate.

The party people still didn't know what was going on...I didn't want to say anything because I felt it was under control. And....it started to get wider and higher...and the bright orange began to move closer...Then,lol...there was panic. I was a little scared that we might actually lose the house...all I could think of was all the work my mom had put into it. But I assured myself that naw....It would have to burn up the houses in front of us before it got to our house...Still there was panic, everybody went home and those who stayed behind "prepared" for the fire. (How I think you prepare for a fire? You pack all your most valuable things...and get the hell out of there) But we proceeded to bring all the furniture inside that might be flammable.

I watched people react and over react and tell us to do one thing, and then turn around and do the other......man those people were going nuts...and I looked at my cuz to see if she sees what I see and she does. And we just....hide our laughter. I start looking for what purpose I could serve...my cuz tells me "stop trying to look concerned" but I had to. My thing was...I really didn't think it would get THAT close. Within all the preparing...the fireman came and put the fire out. I looked outside and the orange hughe was gone. Truth is...if the roof was really on fire. You do need water, because there's some things inside that damn house that you paid too much for.

A free [wo]man has no ties to material things...Who's truely free?

The water and light came on a day and a half later.

3 kids started the fire btw. 2 ten year old boys and a 14 year old girl. The girl....lived on my freakin street. The cops came and arrested her. The news came the next day and interviewed my neighbor, funny thing is I was outside at the time of the interview but I guess they figured I didn't have anything to say. 16 homes were burned down. They're in court as I type.

I'm that what if that rides in the back seat of your mind wispering in your ear to drive.
That just radomly popped into my head. I'm going to make that into a poem I think.