I never lock my door

I never lock my door. My bedroom door I just leave it open and never think that stranger will come roaming into my room and be happy to find me laying there helpless.

Well I came from my friend's surprise party and we had such a good time just sitting there talking about life. My friend's friends are pretty religious and I'm christian too, but I didn't mind admitting that I curse every now and then and that I have gay friends or associates. Well we just talked, the volume on the tv was down, it started out with the heat game and then a lakers game I didn't care about so we just talked. And before we left, they prayed and I kinda got lost in her prayer her words were so powerful for such a small girl. My cuz was there. She was a little uncomfortable, she's on the shy side and so am I, so I asked my cuz if I could go to her church with her because we're similar and I think wherever she's comfortable I'm comfortable.

So as I was driving home I kinda felt...good. Good about myself and life. I think that girl's prayer put a spell on me. So I get home and I'm alone and I put on my pajamas and get into my bed and I get up and I lock my door. I never lock my door. But something said, Lock your door. So I did it without thinking. So I get into bed and I am knocked out and then maybe a half hour later I wake to the sound of somebody trying to open my door. But something said "It's okay, it's locked." And I'm laying there like.....no ur tripping why would anybody in their right mind try to open MY DOOR and I hear my roommate and her guy friends there laughing and saying something. but I drift back to sleep.

The next morning my roommate tells me she's sorry that her friends were being so loud and I told her I really didn't hear anything until I heard somebody try and open my door. Did somebody try and open my door? And she says yes, they were drunk although I don't think the door opener was that drunk he's just dumb, but they were drunk and she's sorry. and I told her it was okay it's just that...I never lock my door...but I locked it that night. Weird.

Who is you callin' a Bitch?

Professor Brony I'll call him. Is the coolest professor in the psychology department but I never knew why. I just heard people talking about how entertaining he was, I took him on a confusing online class, but I couldn't tell him personality from the responses to people who were putting him down for having an online class that requires some physical contact. I knew I wanted to take him in person before I left this so I decided I would drive a half hour across town to take his off campus class. The Psych department knew people would drive across town for him.

Let's talk about his teaching style. I want to say he's in his late 60's but absolutely insane. One time this accidentally said something about him being old and he pauses and says..."Thank you. 21 year old Bitch." OOp. Umm. Wow. The thing is he says it with a smile on his face and we all forget about it two seconds later. He says what he wants, when he wants and it usually applies to the study. He keeps mentioning this girl named Sue Clark that he had a crush on in when he was a kid, and how he wanted to touch her breast. This was an example used to decribe how sometimes you may have strong feelings for a person because of the stage of life your mind was developing. Moving on.
We had an activity today. We collected data to compare dominant and nondonimant handed performance. We were randomly chosen to stand up in front of the class and throw a ball into a garbage can. I was chosen first.
"That's what you get for sitting in isolation." He says.
Ok, I always sit on the desk on the side because...because I don't know. To be different, and he always calls me out on it. "I want to be alone!" He mocks. But moving on.
"I knew you were going to say that." I said. So I was in the group that got to use their dominant hand to throw the ball in the can. So before I throw he says
"Ok, we need to pick a spot to throw the ball. And if she passes that spot we attach electrodes to her genitals that won't make her cross the line. But she might like that so we have to find a new method." that's what he said. As usually, the class bursted out in laughter like....I can't believe...umm, what?
"Why did I do that?" He asks the class.
"So the participant can relax?" Someone says. I'm still laughing.
"Very good." He says.
So before I leave the ball leaves my hands to make my first shot he says in my ear.
"Your going to miss Bitch!" I'm appalled. I pretend I'm about to him with the ball and he ducks and scurries away. I made 5/10 shots.
And when I sat down to watch other people throw balls,I thought about it and it seems like...you can say whatever you want, it just depends on how you say it.

Chicken Wing

So I'm there with the second graders like I usually am every friday except for the last two weeks because of spring break and teacher's workday and....I participated on a dictionary activity with the kids. Simple activity I just say a word and the kids used to guidelines at the top of the page to find the word. So they looked up words like, shark, puppy, marshmallow. Whatever random word I saw. Of course they turned it into a race, first the worst, second is the best, 3rd is the one with the hairy chest, 4th in just slow and 5 is just....not even worth mentioning. This was breaking the spirits of some of the kids in the group so I said last is the best and let's move on. One boy named...Bryan we'll say who wasn't even apart of the activity would shout out what page he thought the word was on. He didn't even have a dictionary he was just being smart. SO as the kids raced through the pages to find a word one kid suggested that they should search for "chicken wing". I don't know what's funny about the word chicken wing....I really don't but when he said I had to turn away and pretend I was looking at the time because I was cracking up. When I finally got the chance I said "Nobody look for chicken wing, that's not the word we're supposed to look for" for but it was too late, pages were already flying. Chicken wing was not in the dictionary, so the first smart aleck kid to find chicken said "see look I found it!...chicken...wing." He threw in the wing because...chicken wing wasn't in the dictionary. Thanks..Chris...thanks for finding the word I didn't ask you too look for. Now the next word is listen, because some of you don't listen.

Check out this Hilariousness.

He nails the old PR man impression.

Dude: Papi Somebody got shot on the 3rd floor?
Papi:(Shrugs shoulder) Thas not me. I live on the 5 floor, thas it.

Business Idea

I just got me hair redone, 16.99 for a pack of on 1b yacki "Beautiful Elements" I love it more than the hair I bought before, I used to think the more it cost the better, but nah, seems like the less I spend on hair the more I like it. My friend spend $200or 300? on some hair and $150 to put it in. It looks good, but damn. She's going to Visit L.A. soon and wanted to be superficially prepard, whatever works. My 16.99's holding up just fine. And people think it's mine, haha. See you have to be discreet with it.
My friend's always up on what's hot in Hollywood, trends and whatnot. Usually I don't care enough to jump in but she informed me on something quit interesting. Wigs. Everybody knows the only black woman brave enough to rock their natural locks nowadays are India Arie and.....? India Arie? So the trend now is wigs. Lace wigs and everybody has one. Beyonce, Tyra Banks, Halle Berry...and that's the end of this list for Black women in Hollywood, Jennifer Hudson recently jumped on that bandwagon I believe..I think Rupaul probably had one back in the 90's...he's always been ahead of his time. So I'm looking through webites checking out how much they cost, I haven't seen many in the thousands like my friend said there was. I've seen many from 350-800 which...isn't bad. So I'm looking and looking and there's a class that teaches you how to make these and I'm thinking...I have an idea. I should start a business making these things. I'd be rich! It's a tedious task but...800 dollars a pop..hell I don't mind.

And that's for the cheaper ones. A woman can spend thousands a year on extensions so why not? I was at my hair dresser and she says she get's quit a few customers that use the $100 a pack hair so someone of anyclass would shell out a good chunk of change for a decent wig, that's a steal. I'm seriously going to take this into consideration. Asians sell hair to people all the time..why can't I[Makemoneyoffpeople'sinsecuritiesliketherestoftheworld]?

If P**** Were a Stock

(I posted this on FB, it was the longest thing I've ever posted on there, I was that upset.)

I just saw a pic of my cousins on myspace and I nearly came through the screen. I'm irate but mostly disappointed. Not just because their minors but because it just seems like the value of a woman seems to be decreasing at such a rapid rate that I'm starting to feel like pretty soon women are going to be these mindless generic beings that you can just pick up off an assembly line. They'll all look the same, all dress the same, and when they get tired of her winey ass dash her away and find a new one. I'm trying to think back, what if I had myspace at that age what kind of pics would be on there etc...but it's not even about myspace.

I look on t.v. and it's like women don't even value themselves anymore, we're aspiring to be what BET,MTV, fucking...Animal Planet is telling us who to be. It's like we're sitting around here waiting for Beyonce to tell us what to wear or what dance move Ciara's going to do, while they're singing about Ring the Damn alarm cause I'll be damned if I see another chick on your arm. Wait, your singing this about a man who looks like a camel. Yeah I said it, it seems like once a man has money everything he does is okay. It's like wait a minute...your Beyonce, if he cheats on you he's a dumb ass. (I love Jay-Z btw but I'm saying...)
Women are a joke nowadays it's like we're working so hard to be what the TV screen tells us to be that we don't even value our selves or each otherany more. I have to say it breaks my heart everytime my friends get caught up with this No Job, gold teet (yes teet not even teeth), nucca that could really give a shit about her or himself and she's holding on to the loser man for dear life because if he leaves she doesn't feel worth it. And I'm sitting here like your worth so much more than that...how can you not see that??? But if she doesn't put up with that foolishness then somebody else will. Probably her "best" friend which brings me to my next point...

Girls need to stop hating on each other for stupidness. The girl is pretty get over it. The girl has a nice outfit, get over it. Some guy tried to talk to her and he didn't talk to you, get over it. Count your blessings and stop worrying about what other people have. Stop being so trifling, sneaking around stabbing eachother in the back over what? We're on TV fighting for a man that looks like
this..what is that. Please tell me what's on his head. Yeah I did watch Flava of Love, and I'm all over I love New York (it's like a car wreck I can't turn away) but I realize this is mindless entertainment, those people aren't me. But not everybody realizes that. It's funny because you go on White Supremacy Websites, Nationlists they like to call themselves, and they're begging eachother to not let their daughters watch that show so Becky might not get influenced but I kind of agree with that.
Women are selling themselves short. Dave Chappelle said it best

"If pu$$y was a stock it would be plummeting because the market is flooded. Ya'll giving it away too easy!!"
-Dave Chappelle

Alright, Happy Black History Month.

I give up....I'm done.

Words

Over time words create different emotions within because of the situation we were in when we heard/learned/used that word...

"People won’t remember what you did;
They won’t remember what you said;
But, they will always remember
the way you made them feel!"
-Maya Angelou

I checked out this book when i was in high school called "Tomkat in Love" and the character always talked about different words that stuck in his brain and the situation that makes him remember them and I realize that sometimes when I'm having conversations with people they will say a word and my imagination will get to working and I'll be in that place that that word reminds me of. So I thought...why not come up with a list of random words and see where my mind takes me.

Respect- That episode of Fresh Prince when Ashley sang Aretha Franklin's "Respect" and she was wearing a black bustier and a jacket and she was basicly singing to her father because he didn't want her to grow up.

Cookie- A Disney Cookbook that I borrowed from the Library when I was in Elementary school that had the "sugar cookie" recipe and I made them until I got tired of them. I remember each character had a different dish, and one of them was Archimedes's Meatloaf.

Internet- Staying up all night on the internet talking to Hypnotism5 (Andy) HotSax(Matt) and WhataWhat(Sheldon) about a bunch of nothing until 2 o'clock in the morning when I had to get up at 5.

Love- "There's nothing wrong with me loving you." from Let's get it on which is my ring tone. Me saying it to you for the first time in a different language to throw you off "Ich liebe dich" probably one of the only phrases I remember from German.

Pharrell- Pronouncing his name wrong for the first few months that I realized he saved music. The "There she goes" Video with him and Baby face...Mystikal Shake it fast...but what really did it for me was "Pass the Courvorsier" Being in a Hotel in Tampa when Christina came to my room to tell me the video was on and seeing him under that table saying "Hey Busta...." and that famous "Waaah ooooh" he does.

Naked- Marcus Houston-video but not as unforgettable and the D'Angelo how does it feel video, and how everybody saw the video before me but couldn't tell me how the song went because they were too fixated on the v-muscles.

Yellow- Cold Play on the Box Music network which was replaced by MTV2 which sucked because you couldn't choose the videos you wanted to see. Seeing the Coldplay "yellow" for the first time and not knowing who they were but absolutely loving that song.

Court- 7th Grade thinking O.J. was innocent constantly watching that white Bronco over and over again on the news.

Game-Monster Trap that my mom or dad bought from a garage sale that was missing some of the pieces and there was a day in Kindergarten or First Grade that we could bring in Board Games and this kid named Scott Chewed up the Blue mouse, I think it was and there was spit all over it and I told the Teacher. Scott was weird, and I can't believe I remember his name.

texture- Texturizer. "Just Let your Soul Glo" commercial from coming to America.

Africa-Ethiopia where my grandmother said her ancestors might be from.

Football- Soccer, hating when soccer was on in Jamaica because there was only two Channels.

German- A coworker from when I used to work in Wal-Mart that was just so Hoodtastic that I would have never guessed she was born in Germany. She tutored me in German.

Credit Card- "Priceless" from the Mastercard commercials.

Mouth- Lips, kissing, but mostly eating.

Spring-Flowers graduation. Vibrant colors, turquoise turtle neck and skirt. A new beginning brilliantly green grass on neighbors lawns. Spring break.

Collide- That song, by....not sure what his name is. "Finally find where you and I, collide" it reminds me of how I meet people, almost seems like destiny. I have to had met you or my life wouldn't be complete.

Magic-Trying to figure out how Magicians do it, and when I did find out I was disappointed because that feeling of wonder disappeared.

Infinity- A word I learned in Elementary school, and once it was said. You won....if you multiplied infinity times infinity.

I'm too complicated...he's not complicated...but I'm too complicated.

This is my favorite song on Robin Thicke's CD because...it reminds me of me.
"Complicated"

I wish I could change
I wish I could change
I wish I could stop
Sayin the same old things
I wish I could be
Who u want me 2 be
I wish I could stop
Being the same old me
I wish I could lose
All of my blues
I wish I could stop
Puttin my blues on u
I wish I could love
Like nobody loves
I wish that my goods
Outweighed my bads enough

Theres no way Theres no way Theres no way
I can get back that girl(boy)
Cause Im 2 complicated
And shes(he's) not complicated
But Im 2 complicated

I wish I could change
I wish I could change
I wish I could stop
Placin the blame
I cant stop it
I cant break down
I cant drop it cant see how
I wish I could lose
All of my blues
I wish I could stop
Puttin my blues on u
I wish I could love
I wish that my goods
Outweighed my bads enough

You know its killin me
Baby how can I let u go
Suddenly theres nothing I need more

Theres no way Theres no way Theres no way
I can get back that girl(boy)

Unique

Some people say I'm unique which to me is like saying I'm weird but that's cool too. I'm not strange at all I just I love thinking along different lines and getting lost in ideas because you know everything is stemmed from an idea, someone who wasn't afraid to be different. I watched to Oscars to other day and I was so happy when Jennifer Hudson got that Oscar and the same for Forrest Whitaker...that man's speech still replays in my brain about a boy from East Texas growing up in South Central watching movies from the backseat of his parent's car never really thinking that it would be him. It's moments like that I live for...doing something that I never ever thought I could have done...
It just frustrates me when people constantly look at Movies and TV and use that to decide who they want to be, and try to live up to those images when...those people are fictional...and those people are people who were once were people who weren't afraid of being original and created a category of your own. So create a category of your own and stop worrying about what Beyonce and Madonna does with their lives. It's funny because there were so many people idolizing Britney Spears, all in her garbage can and making her favorite color theirs but now look at her. I wonder how many people want to be like her now?

That school that Oprah's built (been watching a bit of Oprah lately...missed today's show though) one of the little girl's said in her South African accent "Stop being a follower and choose to be a leader. Don't blend in, Blend out." Wow. True words.
Big things are the product of small things.
It's funny how Disney. The name sparks so many feelings, Lion King, Theme Parks, Movies, must have McDonald toys...and Disney started off with a man, drawing a mouse and believing in his dreams. Everything started out with someone daring to be different and so I will continue to be who I am...and not fall into the trap of thinking inside the box...because that's not what God put me here to do.

Caramel Delite Season

I've packed on a few pounds, ok I know that. I went back home this weekend and I didn't think it was a big deal...but the last thing my mother says to me is I need to stop drinking so much Boost and to stop constantly eating food with my cousin. And I was kind of like damn, I put on that much weight and then I thought about it....I've been Skinny Minny, Slim, Olive Oil, all my life God forbid I comfortably fit in a size 5. I mean God forbid I look like a normal person for the first time in my life and not this Lanky thing with boney arms flaling everywhere.....I did sit down and eat a box of caramel delites (formely known as Somoans....but now they want to be all PC on us. You think Jamaicans would care if they had cookies named after them? We woulda love fi it we Jamaica biscuit) 70 calories per cookie...70x15...1050 calories...in one sitting but you know what I don't do that often and those cookies only come around once a year and I have this other box sitting here feeling so neglected....I'm thinking of just giving it away to someone but I'm so selfish with these lovely caramel delights..but anyways that just effed up my day kinda....and I know I haven't been eating the healthiest foods lately but it just kinda sucked hearing that, so whatever. That outfit this little Delite is wearing is right on, your going to have to call one of them if you keep eating these things.

Nothing Even Matters

I haven't written in a while.....damn. I tried to search for some old stuff on my comp but I couldn't find it. One's hidden on facebook somewhere....the other I'll turn this room upside down to find. This is something I found and had completely forgotten about....written to probably the only song in the world I just can't seem to get tired of after all this time.

Nothing Even Matters
Went to another galaxy the other day
couldn't stop thinking how the universe I got there

I can't seem to find my soul it was searching for
another couldn't find my words they were
already being said and I thought maybe this was heaven
and no one had the heart to tell me I was dead
but it didn't matter cause nothing even matters is all I could remember
from that other place..playing on radios with missing antennas
and thinking that maybe this beat is what kept my heart beating
and maybe the anticipation of another meeting
but he never came and the music just played
and that's all I really wanted to do
and when I tried to remember my name
all that showed up was ur face
I didn't pack my bags I left you in that place and
some part of me was still standing there
and when I tried to say....it was already being said but
I didn't know the source.
And when the music played I couldn't imagine a better space
than this twin bed and and my back against the cold wood in '98 (or maybe it was 97)
thinking there's no place in the world I'd rather be
cause nothing even matters at all.
I went to another galaxy the other day and all I could
remember was her face..and
how much she wanted to disappear and when they asked
where she was,before she could respond she was somewhere else
and they thought they knew where that place was but if they only knew....
And the music kept playing till it she could remember his face
but that's not what she only wanted to see..
She had to return to press rewind because she never cared for CD's..
and the humm would just be there on the floor and fingertips would
grace the carpet in anticipation for the end. In the end there's was always rewind
In the end there was always..rewind. And when she'd ask where she had been she'd say "nothing"
She wasn't really sure how to explain...nothing even mattered at all.
Nothing but you...Nothing but you....if you came to that galaxy with me.
...there'd be no reason to come back.

I keep searching for that song, that I can just play and play never get tired of. This song came the closest...but I think I should enjoy things in moderation so I'd like to hear it again.
zwei tage (two days)

The Secret

I was watching Oprah and they had this episode on the "Secret". This episode sparked so many responses that a week later they had a follow up episode. She claimed this episode will change your life. Well the basic concept of this message(atleast that's what I got from it) is that you are energy. And whatever energy you put into the world, whether it's conscious or subconscious is the reason you live the life you lead. So if you're wondering why things happen. It's you. It's what you put out into the world. So you're wondering "why me?" well, it's you. You did it. This one woman was concerned about how this aligns with Christianity (Oprah was thinking the same thing to herself but I guess was a little intimidated about expressing this)
"Pray believing that ye have. And then you are able to receive."Is what the example the man used from the Bible. (He then claimed that the Jesus meant heaven being "a place within us" and not exactly a place we would go in the afterlife....but I have to disagree.)
So then Oprah talks about how she get's so many questions about success. "How can I be as successful as you?" "How can I be this rich." and she says she didn't intend to make so much money, she just did what she loved and this is the benefit she reaped from it. The same with Bill Gates, who she knows personally, he started with an idea in his garage and there it is. It's the passion that drives you and you may make money from it, and you may not. But in the meantime you are doing what you want to do..
My passion is God, writing, acting, comedy, true kindness. Let's see where that takes me.

I am my own worst enemy

I've been feeling outside myself lately whoever "myself" is. I can only imagine that sounding crazy. For the first time in my life I really felt like I did not know me. I was spending days wondering how do I piece these thoughts together, I am ridiculously confused. I've always known my upbringing has something to do with my feelings of inadequacy. So I usually blame my irrational thoughts on what mom said or what dad said. But it's deeper than that. How can you run away from the people who made you, because of them your here. So I molded this person from the mom said and dad saids and I realized that mom and dad didn't have very nice things to say and that led this creation of a...shaky foundation. But there was a reason that foundation did not quite fall apart.

No matter how low I felt in life, things just seemed to fall into place. I believe it's because of the religious lens in which I viewed to world. Maybe it was just coincidence, or false hope but I remember when I was a kid always turning to God. It got to the point when I reached my teens that I wished I didn't always feel like God was watching me. I wanted to do what I wanted like everybody else was and the feeling of somebody always looking over your shoulder was so restricting. But in reality, it was the feeling of always having somebody there when everybody was gone that kept me...sane?My belief in Christ is my foundation. The truth is you can't run from you're creator. There will be so many situations when you realize that how you handle this situation depends on your relationship with God, your parents, whoever lent a hand in creating you. So now I'm trying to make sense of all this, because I am so confused. My heart won't do what my mind tells it to do and it is really frustrating me.

The reason I am the person I am today. Is because of religion, that is how I dealt with it all. But I don't know if I truly dealt with is all and it keeps catching up with me everynow and then.
When I was kid...
I broke my mom's flashlight. I was so scared because my mom would know it was me. My body language would tell on me before I could confess. I thought "let me put a flashlight over this seed I planted and it'll grow faster." Well the thing "broke". The light would not come on no matter how much I banged and shook. So I prayed that light would come back on. And it did.
So my sister comes up to me a few days later telling me she broke something and I told her to pray. And she's like "what?" And I told her well I broke something and I prayed and so now it works. And she said "really?" and I said "yeah." I was probably 6 years old. Well my sister prayed and I'm not even sure what happened but I don't remember my mom threatening to send us to Jamaica for any broken items so I'm guessing everything was fine.
The point of that was that ever since I was a kid that's who I turned to because really, that's all I had sometimes....But that is everything I need. I had problems so much more serious than broken flashlights. That would lead me to prayer for the light, the way, the truth. But it's not always what I want to hear.

The Bible says.
"Do not think that I have come to bring peace upon the earth. I have come to bring not peace but the sword. For I have come to set
a man "against his father"
a daughter against his mother
and a daughter-in-law against her
mother-in-law;
and one's enemies will be those of his household."
Matthew 10:34-36
He is not playing.

Milk and Stereo?

I got a Valentine Today. From a girl. She's 7. It's one of little cards you pass around in elementary school because in elementary school you pass them around to everyone whether you like them or not. I kind of miss those days.

I've come to the conclusion that the teacher I'm interning for is a lesbian. 1) Because she has a picture of her and another female on a bridge somewhere.The female has her hand on her waist. That's a picture you take with you and your significant other if you ask me, and it must be important if she has it posted on her workspace 2)Because she always talks about how her "roommate" does this. What grown professional people with kids still have roommates? Speaking of kids 3)No picture of them and their Dad anywhere just her and her "roommate". Is there enough evidence to support this conclusion Or should I stop assuming. Whatever it's none of my business as long as she gives me a good review and I get that A she can be Tri-Sexual if she wants.

I've been getting random calls from people preaching the gospel lately. There was the preaching substitute teacher from a couple weeks ago(actually that was in person), my friend who's been born again recently, and my ex-director from a play I was in couple years ago.I feel like god is trying to tell me something so I'm praying for the wisdom to find out what that is.
Here's some internet Junk I found, lol. It's the brown version "Milk and Cereal". These fools were bored.


14 Days

Football Guilt.

I don't like football, I didn't even know who was playing until a few minutes before I headed over there to my friend's to watch the game. I just knew there would be tasty treats waiting for me. I didn't want to jump on the bandwagon last minute. I didn't like my hometown team the Miami Dolphins, they sucked so much while I was growing up, I mean I know they completed the only "perfect season" in the 70's but, in the 80/90's? I couldn't do it. I couldn't watch them lose all the time I'm too emotional. Whenever the superbowl was at Miami I'd look outside at the blimps hovering over the stadium wondering why it was never the Dolphins there. So I watched the Miami Heat get into fights with the Knicks and that's how I became a basketball fan.

I watched the game with my friend, her boyfriend, and her Dad. My friend's boyfriend Red I'll call him, is a hustler. He sells bootleg dvds, white tees whatever you need. He can find it. Not really. I asked him if he had Everybody Hates Chris season 2, he said no. So I won't be doing business with him. He always has bright ideas, during the game he came up with the bright idea that he should sell shirts that have text message phrases people commonly use....
"So how do people know it's a text message."
He doesn't know.
"Maybe you should include the phone on the shirt as well."
It might be a hot trend, who knows. He's the type of guy that thinks he has the whole world figured out. And to him everything is about money. Money=happiness. Money=future, Money=life. He's right to an extent but I disagree with the money=happiness part, so does my friend but we let him explain away anyway. Since he knows everything he insisted the game was rigged already, the mafia is controlling the referee's life so he's going to make shady calls. Everytime the ball dropped and they'd stop the game he'd jump up and yell "See I told you!" until we watched the replay. I kept reminding him that it was raining so the ball might be slippery. I didn't know who I wanted to win. My friend is a Colts fan because of P.Manning, and Red wanted the Bears to win because he bet 100 dollars. I felt bad when he lost that 100 because I'm ridiculously empathetic. He shouldn't be gambling anyway.

I've been packing on some pounds lately, nothing extremely noticeable but I've been trying to watch what I eat I've been paranoid about my health lately. No fastfood, no soda, easy on the sweets, excercise here and there, no use I'm still gaining weight. So I decide I'm going to lay off of the desert for a while. When I get there my friend's like "I bought cupcakes just for you, but you can't eat the vanilla ones only chocolate." There were plenty of chocolate ones. Publix cupcakes. I only like Publix cake. Not Winn-Dixie, definitely not Wal-Mart. Only Publix...sweet...mass produced...carbolicious cupcakes. And in the middle was a round cake with an edible image of the Colts and Bears Superbowl XLI South Florida 02/04/07. I wanted that cake. But I didn't want. I wanted all of it. And the cakes just there like "Stop playing, you don't even like football, you know you came here for me."
and I'm like.
"But what about the six pack I'm trying to get?"
And the cakes like "what six pack? you can always diet another day. But I won't always be here. Let's live for now. Right now. So...what do you want to do. Because you know something...I can make feel good"
And I'm like "Yeah, you'll make me happy now. But what about later, when your not here and I'm suffering the consequences you won't be any use for me then."
And the cakes like "Yeah but you know still want me."
And then my friend puts the cake in a container and tells me I can take it home. Damn.
I took a piece just now, it was so tasty. I took some frosting off to take some guilt away.

This video is pretty irrelevant. But I like this song. Gwen Stefani ft. Akon. 18 more days

Rehab

Thanks to fundamentalist procrastinator for introducing me to Amy Winehouse. This is a hot song and video.
Amy Winehouse- Rehab

That's where I'm at. Using a chewed up pencap to carve the days I have left on a cement wall. But I made it...to day 18. 22 days left. The reason why internet things are so addictive is because they provide these temporary highs that we habitually look forward to. Over and over again. Till we can't go without. I think I read somewhere that sometimes when we see anything from a new e-mail to a comment on our page our brain releases dopamine into our blood stream. Dopamine feels good. We strive to recreate that feeling. Different things make us feel good. A smile, money, webpages. Whatever works. I think attention in general makes us feel good. Whether some of us like to admit or not. FB was the perfect way to stall. It used to be music but once the song is over so is the trance but then the constant need for useless information about people I knew and didn't know wasn't the easiest to snap out of. So I quit. And people used to joke around all the time about being addicted to the thing.
"Do you check facebook (or myspace) the first thing in the morning?" check
"Do you brush your teeth while refreshing the page?" check
"Have you gotten mad at a friend, family,or significant other over something on facebook (or myspace)?" check check check.
I don't even want to know what myspace would do to me. I think everybody I ever met in my entire life is on that thing waiting to add new drama to my life. But it would be kind of cool to see what some people are up to. Whatever it's better than being on crack.22 more days.

Why do I

Why did I drive all the way to my off main campus class, that I have to pay 4 dollars worth of toll to get to otherwise I'll be stuck on Colonial forever, and it was canceled.

Why do I hide from things, they end up catching up with me and then I can't remember why I was trying to hide in the first place.

Why do I freak out about these online exams every time I take them...it's not even that serious.

Why do I sleep with the TV on...I dreamed that Tyra Banks was going to share her AIDS test results, but it turns out she's really going to that. I'm definitely going to stop comparing her to Oprah because she's in some crazy category on her own. I've been watching Campus Ladies lately...funny show. Dreamt about that to.

Why do I worry so much. It's a sin to worry...to be sufficient for just a day is a sin within itself...that's what the bible says I think.

Why do I insist on using firefox instead of explorer even though I know it's probably going to unexpectedly close on me. I had to retype this blog.

I know the answers I just have to ask myself every now and then.

Summer Madness

I love this song...if you can call that. Some songs need no words. Makes me wish I was in the 70's.

I just learned how to post videos

Moving up.

So it's day 12 of the my facebook fast. I saw my former co-worker on an FMU commercial today. He's talking about how he had two jobs and wasn't satisfied with his life so he called FMU and now he's already graduated. Okay, but maybe he should mention that he's still working at that place. Oh well, he's on tv. Congrats homey, you're a star.

28 more days....

My Day

THE HELL IS THAT NOISE?! I thought it was next door but it's upstairs and I discovered that when I bust out my room waking up from a 6 pm nap, and you could tell I just woke up because my roommate asked me if I was sleeping and I usually don't sleep in the daytime but the day I choose to somebody is building an arch for the 40 day flood. I dunno. I don't know what the noise is. Sounds like they're building another floor. It's still going on right now. Please let it be for a constructive reason and not to just annoy everybody.....

I was expecting $20 in the mail. My mom told me my aunt sent me $20 dollars for X-mas. So I'm thinking about how I'm going to spend this $20, treat myself to a surplus of cereal, maybe a fast food meal here and there. So today the letter from mom arrives and I immediately open it. I see nothing resembling a 20 dollar bill..Okay maybe it's a check...no check. This reminds me of when I would get X-mas cards when I was a kid and the first thing I would do is see it there was money inside. So after realising there is no 20 I see that she sent me two things. My new insurance card, and the invoice of my student loan. She writes "I have paid apart of your student loan. Here's the number to call your aunt and thank her for the 20 dollars." Now, I know I should be very very very greatful that mother helped me pay my student loan. I am..I mean I really am. But come on where's the 20 dollars. So I went to Plato's Closet (A place wear you buy and sell used clothes, I usually just sell) to see if I could get 20 bucks for some clothes I don't wear. Last time I got 9 dollars and was pretty excited about that.

So there it is, that's my day.

Musical Distraction

I was listening to a song from Prince I never heard before. "Sign of the Times" I liked it and it made me wonder why nobody cared that he wore tights and was obviously effeminate. And then I thought of other artists that were questionable like Little Richard. And then I realize it didn't matter because they were such good artists that all you could really focus on was how good there music was, to the point where how they carried themselves didn't matter. That's the power of a good singer, song, performer, arrteest. Good music is a good distraction.

Lately I've been waking up at around 3 or 4 o'clock in the morning for no particular reason wishing I could go back to sleep so I'll have enough energy to listen to the Steve Harvey show. The Diary of Jay-Z was on MTV and Jigga was talking about the Water Crisis in Africa. So he partners with the UN and the ambassador of South Africa I think it was to help spread the awareness of this crisis. The basic most important necessity of life is scarce in Africa and it really doesn't have to be that way. And Jay Z goes to a village in Africa and follows this teenage girl to the only pipe in her village to carry this heavy jug of water.
And she carried that heavy jug, this petite girl with this small frame (made me realize I have absolutely no reason to complain)...and H-to-the-O-V offered to carry the jug the rest of the way and within 10 feet he had to stop and switch hands. He must of been thinking I don't know ANYTHING about what the hard knock life is. "You know where I'm from we say we're from the 'bottom' that's not the bottom. This is the bottom". Exactly.

And so they visit the schools to see what the plumbing is like there and there really is none. A few schoolgirls in their early teens have to go fetch the water. And Jay-Z asked the girl "How far is it to get this water." and the girl says "Too far." and so he says" how long does it take to get this water" and the girl says "Too long." And Hov laughs...that familiar laugh kinda like the baah of a lamb "Too far and too long, that's a good answer." And on the way to the water they sang....They have to walk down this very steep mountain that is hard enough to walk down, I couldn't imagine walking back up with these heavy jugs . But they do it everyday.

Well later on, it looked like the same day which I know it can't be, but later on they added a toilet to that school and a water pump that is also a merry go round. So as the kids play on the merry-go round they pump fresh water to their school instead of that long journey every morning down that steep hill. And as they went around, and around, they sang...and that song sounded so beautiful...and as they sang in unison they spun even more. I wondered what song it was.

Okay I noticed I've been talking about Africa a lot lately. No idea why, lol.

You Know When.....

It's day 5 1/2. I want to go on there. Usually whenever I come home in the wee hours of the morning I would mindlessly browse it before I fell dead asleep. 34 1/2 more days.....



You know when....you think somebody stole something, but you don't want to say anything, but when you do find it..you feel guilty.

You know when you listen to a song and it reminds of somewhere or someone.

You know when...you have a a pen and you don't know where it came from...I feel like a thief

You know when you lose something and it feels like it never existed.

You know when you think something is true for the longest and one day you find out it isn't. And then you question everything.

You know when you know what's good for someone but your too afraid to say it.

You know when you really like something but your too afraid to admit it, and then some person admits they like the same thing and you feel like a fool for being so afraid.

You know when you dream about people, like random people you don't talk to that much...but their in your dreams. That means they're significant to you whether you realize it or not.

You know when you wish your conscience would have spoken louder.

You know when you wish your conscience would just shut up.

You know when you question life and your existence....

You know when the funniest things happen that affirms your beliefs that there is a god...or "a higher being" for the skeptics

You know when you wonder if only these things happen to you...

You know when you see someone or something and it just takes your breath away...

You know when you take something for granted but when it's completely gone you wish you had it back. But you know it's gone forever.

You know when something actually goes your way and it seems just so surreal.

You know when someone says the smallest thing to bring a smile to your face.

You know when you find yourself smiling about a distant memory...

You know when you buy something and you think it's the greatest thing in the world until you see the upgraded version.

You know you see people do the most amazing things and you realize your life is really not that bad.

You know when a stream of unfortunate events happen in one day and you hate your life.

You know when you think you've had a near death experience and life seems so fragile...and realize it's a miracle any of us are still here...

Or maybe that's just me...

A lesson in racism for 2nd Graders

First day of my intership. It was casual Friday. I was overdressed. I tried to remember what my teachers wore back in High-school down to Elementary school, I couldn't. So I wore all black like I was depressed, I was so excited. I just saw Freedom Writers, I wanted to change somebody's life from just sitting in the sidelines in a second grade class. The school's in the burbs...nobody's struggling so maybe another time. I go to the front office, it's another girl's first day, dressed in all black on casual Friday. We sit in the office looking side to side.
"You guys interns?"
"I am" I said. It was the other girl's first day as a second grade teacher and she didn't know what the hell she was doing. I guess that's how we all start out.

I get to my class. Jittery 2nd graders waiting for direction. The teacher is very nice and laid back but you can tell winter break came too soon for her. She introduces me to the class.
"This is Ms. S and she's going to be visiting you guys every Thursday or Friday it depends. You guys be nice and listen to whatever she says."
Willy a bright eyed autistic boy bursting with energy raises his hand and says
"Oooh! I know something she can make us have and it starts with an F and it ends with an N!"
Alright I'm going to be honest. I had no idea what it was.
"Fun?" asks the teacher.
"Yes! " That made me smile.
I want to have fun too I guess.

I sit back and wait for reading time to come so I can have something to do. This little brown girl with corn rows walks around the room asking if they know who Chris Brown is. No one knows.
"Well have you seen stomp the yard?" no one saw it. Her and I were the only brown people in the room.

Finally it's Center time and I get to read to kids in small groups at a time. Will the bright eyed autistic kid was so distracted by having a stranger in the glass that he acted the fool until the teacher had to come talk to him "Make the right choices" she says to him. I try to keep from laughing, this boy is hilarious. And insane with numbers. And so particular about details.
"Where's my pencil." he yells. A little kid points in a corner. He finds the ONLY UNSHARPENED PENCIL and goes to the pencil sharpener making a heap of noise in the silent room.

I'm done reading with all the kids.

This is the part where things get awkward. See, Monday was Martin Luther King Jr. Day and they had just had a little 7 year old comprehension level lesson about segregation. Cool. A little girl hands me a Social Studies book and we all turn to page 237. Today we are going to talk about SLAVERY, Harriet Tubman, and Fredrick Douglas. I don't know why it felt so awkward, maybe because me and that little brown girl were the only chocolate people in the room, but it was just like why they hell the first day I decide to intern I have to sit here and listen to this white lady explain to bright eyed 7 year olds what slavery is. They need to learn one day, why not with me sitting here looking around the room. It was interesting the way the book explained it in kid terms "There once was a time in America when everybody wasn't free. This was called Slavery. These people were taken from Africa and forced to work in plantations and were not paid. If they didn't do what they were told "bad things" would happen to them." Lol...bad things. The "bad things" like whippings and lynching get explained more detail in 3rd grade I guess. It's funny how curriculum changes, I don't think I was taught about slavery in 2nd grade.

One kid raises his hand and says "Are there slaves today"
"Do you see African Americans in this room?" she says.
"Yes?"
"Then no we don't have slaves."

Now. Me and the Chris Brown Fan were the only brown people in the room. All she had to say was "No" as Ms. Desy best suggested. I looked on page 256 hoping the lesson was Spanish Culture...but it wasn't. It was page 238. Harriet Tubman and the underground railroad. I didn't mind getting my mind refreshed. It's sad how little we know, even about the most generic examples.

Finally it's lunch time. I get to eat school lunch again...yay. Everybody stands to get in line. Chris Brown fan asks me if I know who Chris Brown is. I said yes.
"Did you see Stomp the Yard?" she asks.
"Yes." Am I being a good example?
Finally someone knows who Chris Brown is! she yells.

School lunch is . ONE HOTDOG. Chocolate milk and some carrots. I want two hotdogs but the lady won't let me. WOMAN I AM THREE TIMES THE SIZE OF THESE KIDS I CAN'T EAT WHAT THEY EAT. It costs $2.50, I got robbed. Next time I'm bringing my own lunch. I left early because there was nothing else to do. Next Friday I'm wearing jeans.

Day 4 of the Facebook Challenge.

I didn't think I would make it this far. A lot of people couldn't do what I'm doing and a lot of people don't have the need to. I do miss it a little bit. I just want a little peak into that world. Just a little one. But nope, not untill Feb 24. I was thinking of cutting it down to 28 just to be funny, but no. Bibe style or not at all...lol...this pic cracks me up. I miss it the most when I'm bored.

White Africa

Ugh. White Africa....alright.

I first met him leaving the education building after observing autistic kids. Noel threw plastic plates around because I dared to help him organize, I was scared for my life. So I'm walking to my car and he looks like he's about to take the bus. I remember he was wearing red, maybe had his hood up, basketball jersey, and that damn CD player. I guess he's attractive piercing gray eyes, nose a little big...but you can't have it all... his style needed some definite work and his personality...wasn't the most appealing. He comes up to me and tells me I'm beautiful etc..and shows me the picture of his baby sister, cute little girl with a braid and the same light gray eyes or maybe hers were green. He could pass as white with a hint of middle eastern, his features are definitely unique. He talks about how he's not white and that he's from Africa. Africa?? What part? South Africa?? I was right. Ohh well umm...wow. He seemed much more laid back back then. He gave me his number, I never called.

Less than a year later I'm talking to my coworker about him, not really sure how the subject came up, she's a voluptuous girl with mahogany skin and a crazy personality. Oh think I remember how Africa came up. I saw this guy from Africa I was familiar with on her facebook page, so chocolaty and sexy I told her how I wanted him. She laughed her ass off, she didn't understand why. I think I thought it would take me back to my roots who knows. Then I said....there's this white guy, from Africa..."I know who your talking about she says." Before I finished to sentence.
"Picture of his sister?"
"Yes." she says.
"Always has on headphones?"
"Yes."
"That's him..wow. He really loves black girls."
Fast Forward to Yesterday.

I'm sitting in the hot sun filling out an intent to graduate. The thing had a million questions and every time I thought I was done there was more. And he comes and sits next to me and I immediately recognize him. This time he's wearing a blue button down (with the jersey from the first time I met him underneath) , dew rag, black jeans, and black dress shoes. Ooooh lord. I just remember I saw him the other day talking to a girl in front of the library. I want him to go away.
He tells me how I'm so fine. I have nice hands, nice toes, he shows me the picture of his mulatto little sister to prove his blackness, and once again. The CD player. I don't even bother tell him that I've met him before, I don't care. But I'm nice, I laugh here and there when he says something odd, I don't want to hurt his feeling cause god knows what he's been through. I'm done with my intent to I go to the office to turn it in, he wants to follow me, ooh lord. I get to the office I have 25 minutes till it opens. Shit. So now I have to stand here with white Africa until the door opens because I'm too nice to tell him to f off. I ask him how long he's been here. "a month and a half"
I ask him if he goes to school here.
"I'm enrolled in one class"
I ask him if he was a car.
"A 2005 Ferrari."
Did any of the those answers surprise me? No because I knew he was a lyin ass liar.
"Oh yeah? A Ferrari?"
"Yeah, I paid $56,925.46 for it."
"Oh, ok. That's a lot of money." I look at the time there's like 15 minutes left.
He keeps trying to touch my hands, and when I laugh at his goofiness, he hugged me. That's when I told him to not touch me.
"Ok, Ok, I won't touch you."
He had an ex girlfriend that's pregnant by him, psychotic chick, broke his arm once. That part I believed because...that's not something you say when you want to impress somebody.
OASIS finally opens and I go stand in line. I finally get to get away from him without hurting his feelings, why the hell did I not want to hurt his feelings?? When I think he walks away I hear this bird like chirp. I look behind and it's him walking down the stares. "Bye Cute Girl!" He yells. and leaves. 5 minutes later. "Psssssst!" I turn around. It's my old coworker from 1 year ago. "You would be the one to turn around she says.
I said "Holy Shit, you'd never guess who just left here." I say.
" Who?"
"White Africa."
"Who's White Africa"
"That White African guy who harasses all the black girls on campus." she dies laughing.
"I thought he was banned from this campus" I did not know they could ban people.
Ummm apparently the banning did nothing. So we go into the advising office..where we ended up having a good time. We talked about Borat, and the Oscars, and how our school sucks, and the fact that almost everybody there was walking without getting a degree. I ended up having to go to another office after that place and when I left I saw White Africa. Talking to another black girl with braids.I shook my head when I saw him.

I imagine him being in South Africa where segregation just ended like 10 years years ago. I imagine his European features being so appealing to those beautiful black women who have an inferiority complex because they are being treated differently because of their dark skin. They live on the poor side of the area while the white people live behind pretty white picket fences on African soil. (I just saw Catch A Fire and Blood Diamond) I imagine it being so easy to pick up dark skinned women in Africa with those gray eyes...a way out, hope for the kids...I imagine him feeling so superior because of his light skin. But in AMERICA....man. It takes more than gray eyes. Yeah, black women these days may have an inferiority complex but they'll be damned if they can't be with a dude with atleast a job, style, or some smooth words here and there. White Africa we are not the one. You might want to take that back to where you came from.

I QUIT!

FACEBOOK! I started using blogger for this reason. This was my replacement drug only less lethal, less addictive. In the beginning I only lasted a few days....but this time...it will be different. I completely deactivated my account that way I can't just "accidentally" sign in, it requires a process. It's crazy speaking of this site this way...some say...it's just a site, but any idiot can tell you it's more than that. So for 39 more days I will not go on facebook. Some doubt it...afterall I used to be the main one on there uploading pics, writing notes, adding videos. Not anymore. Will I last? Of course. I'm strong....for now. Before I was struggling listening to music...blogging on blogging but now...it's not so bad. There's so many things that I want to accomplish that the desire isn't that strong anymore.

MISS ME ALREADY??I joined hi5 way before the facebook days...not at all addictive I swore me and my one friend were the only ones on there, so when I joined facebook I came to realize that damn near everybody that was on facebook was on hi5 as well...well the day I deleted my account someone sends me a message on hi5 saying "it says you have deleted your profile....why?" and I'm thinking, Boy! Stop studying facebook and get a life! I told him I was graduating this semester and wanted to start it off right. I also wanted to say ....you might want to do the same. But maybe he isn't have the same problem I'm having. Lol, but you know what...I was actually flattered that he gave a shit so much that he had to find another web community to contact me on. But honestly...find something to do.

MY JOB!Oh yeah, couple minutes ago....I quit my job. Lol, people think I'm trying to make a statement by quitting on MLK day...maybe it's a subconscious things. But my job has been yanking me around and the fact that they wanted me to close on a Monday(MLK day) and they haven't had me working on a Monday is MONTHS just pissed me off. It probably was a coincidence...but maybe I wanted a way out so bad that this is what did it for me. So I call my department afraid to speak to a manager and get one of my FORMER coworkers. I tell him I'm not coming in at 5 or on Friday the next day I'm supposed to work.
He says "wait a minute....you quit? why?" I told him I'm tired of getting 5-10 hours a week and plus there's some get together I want to go to. (I'm probably not going to go...why'd I say that?) He's like "oh I get it's a black thing, it's MLK day and you don't want to work. Well I'm black and I have to work." GUILT TRIP!
I said "Yeah I know but they don't make you work 5 hours a week."
"True, but they have me working two days a week too" he says.
"Yeah, but have they ever made you work 5 hours a week??"
"I feel you, he says"
"So wait a minute I have to break the news??"
I laugh. "Well, what managers are working?" I ask. I figure I'll speak to one of the cool managers.
"Well let me speak to Rob then."
"No it's alright, I'll tell him, I don't care" I sincerely hope he doesn't tell them that I wanted to go to a get together...makes a look bad. But then again...who cares. FREE AT LAST!

JUNKFOOD! I figured since money will be tight for the next few days I'll lay off the sweets and I've been doing pretty good. Let's see how long this lasts.

New York Subway Hero...amazing.

I cried when I read about the New York Subway Hero. He risked his life so his daughters wouldn't see a man get hit by a train. Lucky for those girls they didn't get to see that, but most of all....lucky for that man that was saved! Selfless acts of kindness make me cry. My body can't handle all the emotion. This man is receiving so much publicity...and why not? He risked his life for another. But what's so funny about picture of this man is that...his facial expression is like...."Would you leave me alone?" No smile....like "hey I saved the day!" just...this solemn stare like..."where did you people come from??" Cool guy. Great way to start the year...saving people and whatnot...Let's hope we see more black men in the media for doing stuff like this.

Here's the story.

New York Man Saves Teen Who Fell on Subway Track

With a train rapidly approaching a man leapt to the aid of a teenager who fell from a platform and onto the tracks of a New York subway. The teenager was believed to have fallen after suffering a seizure. When Wesley Autery noticed the young man fall onto the tracks he left his two daughters and placed his own life in the line of an oncoming train.

Autry was faced with a split second decision of trying to lift the teenager to safety or take his chances seeking refuge under the train. Uncertain if he could lift the man back onto the platform he decided to wedge the 19-year-old and himself in the drainage trough that was situated between the rails.

Covering the teen’s body with his own, Autry was faced with the terrifying possibility that the train might not clear his body. After the second car passed over his body the train came to a stop and with about 2 inches to spare Autry became a living hero.

The teen was identified as Cameron Hollopeter, of Littleton, Mass. He is enrolled at the New York Film Academy. Hollopeter was taken to the hospital after the incident and was reported in stable condition.

After ascending the tracks the 50-yaer-old Autry was greeted with loud applause and hugs from onlookers and witnesses. He was instantly hailed as a hero for the courage and bravery displayed.

Autry was in the process of taking his two daughters home and preparing to go to his second job when Hollopeter fell.

He told the New York Times "I don't feel like I did something spectacular; I just saw someone who needed help, I did what I felt was right."

www.finditt.com

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_N2zhu5RH34

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xq9mNhXL_Ao
I will never, ever forget this.

Oh....Random Self

So many thoughts have been swimming through my head the past few days. Should I have applied to grad school? Why didn't I study for the GRE? Should I get certified to teach? Will I get a job to teach the subject I am qualified to teach in? AM I GOING TO BE A BUM WITH MULTIPLE DEGREES....like the chick on girlfriends not the one I look like but the tragic mulatto. I relate to her and the one who looks like me is so far from me. I was thinking about that the other day...how I'm like a dark skinned tragic mulatto...always exploring...always confused...but I have interests that people that look like me can't identify with.

I am beautiful.
I am intelligent.
I am the shit.
Now if I can believe the sentences above my life would be a lot easier.

Why doesn't my heart do what my mind tells it. Heart stop being so stingy...all I want you to do is do what I tell you, that's all. Isn't that what you're here for...other than pumping blood through my veins providing oxygen to my brain..etc...but I mean you can do other things in your free time. Like love when I tell you to love...and not when you feel like. You're making it so hard for me and I can't quite figure out where you're going with all this. But please...please just make my life just a little bit easier. Thanks.

I cleaned my room today. I got so sick of looking at the mess and now looking at organization has cleared my mind a little.

My eyes. I was on my knees at work. Organizing boxes on the bottom row and a lady comes up and says I have the prettiest eyes. Why cause they're big? If it works for you it works for me. A few weeks back I made peppered beef ribs and I was chowing down on them watching Nacho Libre and pepper gravy splashed into my eyes, it burned so bad I ran into my roommates bathroom and splashed water in my eyes. My roommate asked me if I was okay....I was, but I was freaking out. And then I took the burn like a man. Chopped some wood, built a cabin, and went back to watching Nacho Libre.
Couple days later all purpose cleaner splashed into my eyes at work. I freaked out. Manned up. And walked out of the custodial closet as if nothing happened.

I am hoping I get this job at the hotel. If not, I'll take it as a sign of needing to buckle down and focus on school.
I need to finish my book.
Viv's killing me softly with her song.