That's what it felt But it wasn't THEM that they looked at it was the "director".
Me.
Newbie, lost, inexperienced, Ms. S aka "I-can't-believe-they-hired-her-she-looks-so-young-ofcourse-she-failed-ha-ha".
Bitches.
I walked back to my class room feeling like I failed my students. Who knew the other class would look so damn good....and their parents came out to see this.15 dissappointed faces stared at me and I didn't blame them for wanting to be in that other class.....I was supposed to be the one with the acting experience. I treated them like adults. Damn.
Then there was Triniti who lightly smiled and told me that her class was the winner. What a liar...but it was a beautiful try. I could do no wrong in her eyes. That child has a heart of gold.
I printed the lyrics to Alicia Keys "No One" and handed it out. Played the CD...and explained to them "People keep talking, they can say what they like, I don't worry cause everything's gonna be alright" Were words to live by. They were just psyched that they had a teacher that would play those kinda songs in class.
I never lock my door. My bedroom door I just leave it open and never think that stranger will come roaming into my room and be happy to find me laying there helpless.
Well I came from my friend's surprise party and we had such a good time just sitting there talking about life. My friend's friends are pretty religious and I'm christian too, but I didn't mind admitting that I curse every now and then and that I have gay friends or associates. Well we just talked, the volume on the tv was down, it started out with the heat game and then a lakers game I didn't care about so we just talked. And before we left, they prayed and I kinda got lost in her prayer her words were so powerful for such a small girl. My cuz was there. She was a little uncomfortable, she's on the shy side and so am I, so I asked my cuz if I could go to her church with her because we're similar and I think wherever she's comfortable I'm comfortable.
So as I was driving home I kinda felt...good. Good about myself and life. I think that girl's prayer put a spell on me. So I get home and I'm alone and I put on my pajamas and get into my bed and I get up and I lock my door. I never lock my door. But something said, Lock your door. So I did it without thinking. So I get into bed and I am knocked out and then maybe a half hour later I wake to the sound of somebody trying to open my door. But something said "It's okay, it's locked." And I'm laying there like.....no ur tripping why would anybody in their right mind try to open MY DOOR and I hear my roommate and her guy friends there laughing and saying something. but I drift back to sleep.
The next morning my roommate tells me she's sorry that her friends were being so loud and I told her I really didn't hear anything until I heard somebody try and open my door. Did somebody try and open my door? And she says yes, they were drunk although I don't think the door opener was that drunk he's just dumb, but they were drunk and she's sorry. and I told her it was okay it's just that...I never lock my door...but I locked it that night. Weird.
Professor Brony I'll call him. Is the coolest professor in the psychology department but I never knew why. I just heard people talking about how entertaining he was, I took him on a confusing online class, but I couldn't tell him personality from the responses to people who were putting him down for having an online class that requires some physical contact. I knew I wanted to take him in person before I left this so I decided I would drive a half hour across town to take his off campus class. The Psych department knew people would drive across town for him.
Let's talk about his teaching style. I want to say he's in his late 60's but absolutely insane. One time this accidentally said something about him being old and he pauses and says..."Thank you. 21 year old Bitch." OOp. Umm. Wow. The thing is he says it with a smile on his face and we all forget about it two seconds later. He says what he wants, when he wants and it usually applies to the study. He keeps mentioning this girl named Sue Clark that he had a crush on in when he was a kid, and how he wanted to touch her breast. This was an example used to decribe how sometimes you may have strong feelings for a person because of the stage of life your mind was developing. Moving on. We had an activity today. We collected data to compare dominant and nondonimant handed performance. We were randomly chosen to stand up in front of the class and throw a ball into a garbage can. I was chosen first. "That's what you get for sitting in isolation." He says. Ok, I always sit on the desk on the side because...because I don't know. To be different, and he always calls me out on it. "I want to be alone!" He mocks. But moving on. "I knew you were going to say that." I said. So I was in the group that got to use their dominant hand to throw the ball in the can. So before I throw he says "Ok, we need to pick a spot to throw the ball. And if she passes that spot we attach electrodes to her genitals that won't make her cross the line. But she might like that so we have to find a new method." that's what he said. As usually, the class bursted out in laughter like....I can't believe...umm, what? "Why did I do that?" He asks the class. "So the participant can relax?" Someone says. I'm still laughing. "Very good." He says. So before I leave the ball leaves my hands to make my first shot he says in my ear. "Your going to miss Bitch!" I'm appalled. I pretend I'm about to him with the ball and he ducks and scurries away. I made 5/10 shots. And when I sat down to watch other people throw balls,I thought about it and it seems like...you can say whatever you want, it just depends on how you say it.
So I'm there with the second graders like I usually am every friday except for the last two weeks because of spring break and teacher's workday and....I participated on a dictionary activity with the kids. Simple activity I just say a word and the kids used to guidelines at the top of the page to find the word. So they looked up words like, shark, puppy, marshmallow. Whatever random word I saw. Of course they turned it into a race, first the worst, second is the best, 3rd is the one with the hairy chest, 4th in just slow and 5 is just....not even worth mentioning. This was breaking the spirits of some of the kids in the group so I said last is the best and let's move on. One boy named...Bryan we'll say who wasn't even apart of the activity would shout out what page he thought the word was on. He didn't even have a dictionary he was just being smart. SO as the kids raced through the pages to find a word one kid suggested that they should search for "chicken wing". I don't know what's funny about the word chicken wing....I really don't but when he said I had to turn away and pretend I was looking at the time because I was cracking up. When I finally got the chance I said "Nobody look for chicken wing, that's not the word we're supposed to look for" for but it was too late, pages were already flying. Chicken wing was not in the dictionary, so the first smart aleck kid to find chicken said "see look I found it!...chicken...wing." He threw in the wing because...chicken wing wasn't in the dictionary. Thanks..Chris...thanks for finding the word I didn't ask you too look for. Now the next word is listen, because some of you don't listen.
I just got me hair redone, 16.99 for a pack of on 1b yacki "Beautiful Elements" I love it more than the hair I bought before, I used to think the more it cost the better, but nah, seems like the less I spend on hair the more I like it. My friend spend $200or 300? on some hair and $150 to put it in. It looks good, but damn. She's going to Visit L.A. soon and wanted to be superficially prepard, whatever works. My 16.99's holding up just fine. And people think it's mine, haha. See you have to be discreet with it. My friend's always up on what's hot in Hollywood, trends and whatnot. Usually I don't care enough to jump in but she informed me on something quit interesting. Wigs. Everybody knows the only black woman brave enough to rock their natural locks nowadays are India Arie and.....? India Arie? So the trend now is wigs. Lace wigs and everybody has one. Beyonce, Tyra Banks, Halle Berry...and that's the end of this list for Black women in Hollywood, Jennifer Hudson recently jumped on that bandwagon I believe..I think Rupaul probably had one back in the 90's...he's always been ahead of his time. So I'm looking through webites checking out how much they cost, I haven't seen many in the thousands like my friend said there was. I've seen many from 350-800 which...isn't bad. So I'm looking and looking and there's a class that teaches you how to make these and I'm thinking...I have an idea. I should start a business making these things. I'd be rich! It's a tedious task but...800 dollars a pop..hell I don't mind. And that's for the cheaper ones. A woman can spend thousands a year on extensions so why not? I was at my hair dresser and she says she get's quit a few customers that use the $100 a pack hair so someone of anyclass would shell out a good chunk of change for a decent wig, that's a steal. I'm seriously going to take this into consideration. Asians sell hair to people all the time..why can't I[Makemoneyoffpeople'sinsecuritiesliketherestoftheworld]?
(I posted this on FB, it was the longest thing I've ever posted on there, I was that upset.)
I just saw a pic of my cousins on myspace and I nearly came through the screen. I'm irate but mostly disappointed. Not just because their minors but because it just seems like the value of a woman seems to be decreasing at such a rapid rate that I'm starting to feel like pretty soon women are going to be these mindless generic beings that you can just pick up off an assembly line. They'll all look the same, all dress the same, and when they get tired of her winey ass dash her away and find a new one. I'm trying to think back, what if I had myspace at that age what kind of pics would be on there etc...but it's not even about myspace.
I look on t.v. and it's like women don't even value themselves anymore, we're aspiring to be what BET,MTV, fucking...Animal Planet is telling us who to be. It's like we're sitting around here waiting for Beyonce to tell us what to wear or what dance move Ciara's going to do, while they're singing about Ring the Damn alarm cause I'll be damned if I see another chick on your arm. Wait, your singing this about a man who looks like a camel. Yeah I said it, it seems like once a man has money everything he does is okay. It's like wait a minute...your Beyonce, if he cheats on you he's a dumb ass. (I love Jay-Z btw but I'm saying...) Women are a joke nowadays it's like we're working so hard to be what the TV screen tells us to be that we don't even value our selves or each otherany more. I have to say it breaks my heart everytime my friends get caught up with this No Job, gold teet (yes teet not even teeth), nucca that could really give a shit about her or himself and she's holding on to the loser man for dear life because if he leaves she doesn't feel worth it. And I'm sitting here like your worth so much more than that...how can you not see that??? But if she doesn't put up with that foolishness then somebody else will. Probably her "best" friend which brings me to my next point...
Girls need to stop hating on each other for stupidness. The girl is pretty get over it. The girl has a nice outfit, get over it. Some guy tried to talk to her and he didn't talk to you, get over it. Count your blessings and stop worrying about what other people have. Stop being so trifling, sneaking around stabbing eachother in the back over what? We're on TV fighting for a man that looks like this..what is that. Please tell me what's on his head. Yeah I did watch Flava of Love, and I'm all over I love New York (it's like a car wreck I can't turn away) but I realize this is mindless entertainment, those people aren't me. But not everybody realizes that. It's funny because you go on White Supremacy Websites, Nationlists they like to call themselves, and they're begging eachother to not let their daughters watch that show so Becky might not get influenced but I kind of agree with that. Women are selling themselves short. Dave Chappelle said it best
"If pu$$y was a stock it would be plummeting because the market is flooded. Ya'll giving it away too easy!!" -Dave Chappelle
Over time words create different emotions within because of the situation we were in when we heard/learned/used that word...
"People won’t remember what you did; They won’t remember what you said; But, they will always remember the way you made them feel!" -Maya Angelou
I checked out this book when i was in high school called "Tomkat in Love" and the character always talked about different words that stuck in his brain and the situation that makes him remember them and I realize that sometimes when I'm having conversations with people they will say a word and my imagination will get to working and I'll be in that place that that word reminds me of. So I thought...why not come up with a list of random words and see where my mind takes me.
Respect- That episode of Fresh Prince when Ashley sang Aretha Franklin's "Respect" and she was wearing a black bustier and a jacket and she was basicly singing to her father because he didn't want her to grow up.
Cookie- A Disney Cookbook that I borrowed from the Library when I was in Elementary school that had the "sugar cookie" recipe and I made them until I got tired of them. I remember each character had a different dish, and one of them was Archimedes's Meatloaf.
Internet- Staying up all night on the internet talking to Hypnotism5 (Andy) HotSax(Matt) and WhataWhat(Sheldon) about a bunch of nothing until 2 o'clock in the morning when I had to get up at 5.
Love- "There's nothing wrong with me loving you." from Let's get it on which is my ring tone. Me saying it to you for the first time in a different language to throw you off "Ich liebe dich" probably one of the only phrases I remember from German.
Pharrell- Pronouncing his name wrong for the first few months that I realized he saved music. The "There she goes" Video with him and Baby face...Mystikal Shake it fast...but what really did it for me was "Pass the Courvorsier" Being in a Hotel in Tampa when Christina came to my room to tell me the video was on and seeing him under that table saying "Hey Busta...." and that famous "Waaah ooooh" he does.
Naked- Marcus Houston-video but not as unforgettable and the D'Angelo how does it feel video, and how everybody saw the video before me but couldn't tell me how the song went because they were too fixated on the v-muscles.
Yellow- Cold Play on the Box Music network which was replaced by MTV2 which sucked because you couldn't choose the videos you wanted to see. Seeing the Coldplay "yellow" for the first time and not knowing who they were but absolutely loving that song.
Court- 7th Grade thinking O.J. was innocent constantly watching that white Bronco over and over again on the news. Game-Monster Trap that my mom or dad bought from a garage sale that was missing some of the pieces and there was a day in Kindergarten or First Grade that we could bring in Board Games and this kid named Scott Chewed up the Blue mouse, I think it was and there was spit all over it and I told the Teacher. Scott was weird, and I can't believe I remember his name.
texture- Texturizer. "Just Let your Soul Glo" commercial from coming to America. Africa-Ethiopia where my grandmother said her ancestors might be from.
Football- Soccer, hating when soccer was on in Jamaica because there was only two Channels.
German- A coworker from when I used to work in Wal-Mart that was just so Hoodtastic that I would have never guessed she was born in Germany. She tutored me in German.
Credit Card- "Priceless" from the Mastercard commercials.
Mouth- Lips, kissing, but mostly eating. Spring-Flowers graduation. Vibrant colors, turquoise turtle neck and skirt. A new beginning brilliantly green grass on neighbors lawns. Spring break.
Collide- That song, by....not sure what his name is. "Finally find where you and I, collide" it reminds me of how I meet people, almost seems like destiny. I have to had met you or my life wouldn't be complete. Magic-Trying to figure out how Magicians do it, and when I did find out I was disappointed because that feeling of wonder disappeared.
Infinity- A word I learned in Elementary school, and once it was said. You won....if you multiplied infinity times infinity.
This is my favorite song on Robin Thicke's CD because...it reminds me of me. "Complicated"
I wish I could change I wish I could change I wish I could stop Sayin the same old things I wish I could be Who u want me 2 be I wish I could stop Being the same old me I wish I could lose All of my blues I wish I could stop Puttin my blues on u I wish I could love Like nobody loves I wish that my goods Outweighed my bads enough
Theres no way Theres no way Theres no way I can get back that girl(boy) Cause Im 2 complicated And shes(he's) not complicated But Im 2 complicated
I wish I could change I wish I could change I wish I could stop Placin the blame I cant stop it I cant break down I cant drop it cant see how I wish I could lose All of my blues I wish I could stop Puttin my blues on u I wish I could love I wish that my goods Outweighed my bads enough
You know its killin me Baby how can I let u go Suddenly theres nothing I need more
Theres no way Theres no way Theres no way I can get back that girl(boy)
Some people say I'm unique which to me is like saying I'm weird but that's cool too. I'm not strange at all I just I love thinking along different lines and getting lost in ideas because you know everything is stemmed from an idea, someone who wasn't afraid to be different. I watched to Oscars to other day and I was so happy when Jennifer Hudson got that Oscar and the same for Forrest Whitaker...that man's speech still replays in my brain about a boy from East Texas growing up in South Central watching movies from the backseat of his parent's car never really thinking that it would be him. It's moments like that I live for...doing something that I never ever thought I could have done... It just frustrates me when people constantly look at Movies and TV and use that to decide who they want to be, and try to live up to those images when...those people are fictional...and those people are people who were once were people who weren't afraid of being original and created a category of your own. So create a category of your own and stop worrying about what Beyonce and Madonna does with their lives. It's funny because there were so many people idolizing Britney Spears, all in her garbage can and making her favorite color theirs but now look at her. I wonder how many people want to be like her now?
That school that Oprah's built (been watching a bit of Oprah lately...missed today's show though) one of the little girl's said in her South African accent "Stop being a follower and choose to be a leader. Don't blend in, Blend out." Wow. True words. Big things are the product of small things. It's funny how Disney. The name sparks so many feelings, Lion King, Theme Parks, Movies, must have McDonald toys...and Disney started off with a man, drawing a mouse and believing in his dreams. Everything started out with someone daring to be different and so I will continue to be who I am...and not fall into the trap of thinking inside the box...because that's not what God put me here to do.
I've packed on a few pounds, ok I know that. I went back home this weekend and I didn't think it was a big deal...but the last thing my mother says to me is I need to stop drinking so much Boost and to stop constantly eating food with my cousin. And I was kind of like damn, I put on that much weight and then I thought about it....I've been Skinny Minny, Slim, Olive Oil, all my life God forbid I comfortably fit in a size 5. I mean God forbid I look like a normal person for the first time in my life and not this Lanky thing with boney arms flaling everywhere.....I did sit down and eat a box of caramel delites (formely known as Somoans....but now they want to be all PC on us. You think Jamaicans would care if they had cookies named after them? We woulda love fi it we Jamaica biscuit) 70 calories per cookie...70x15...1050 calories...in one sitting but you know what I don't do that often and those cookies only come around once a year and I have this other box sitting here feeling so neglected....I'm thinking of just giving it away to someone but I'm so selfish with these lovely caramel delights..but anyways that just effed up my day kinda....and I know I haven't been eating the healthiest foods lately but it just kinda sucked hearing that, so whatever. That outfit this little Delite is wearing is right on, your going to have to call one of them if you keep eating these things.
I haven't written in a while.....damn. I tried to search for some old stuff on my comp but I couldn't find it. One's hidden on facebook somewhere....the other I'll turn this room upside down to find. This is something I found and had completely forgotten about....written to probably the only song in the world I just can't seem to get tired of after all this time. Nothing Even Matters Went to another galaxy the other day couldn't stop thinking how the universe I got there
I can't seem to find my soul it was searching for another couldn't find my words they were already being said and I thought maybe this was heaven and no one had the heart to tell me I was dead but it didn't matter cause nothing even matters is all I could remember from that other place..playing on radios with missing antennas and thinking that maybe this beat is what kept my heart beating and maybe the anticipation of another meeting but he never came and the music just played and that's all I really wanted to do and when I tried to remember my name all that showed up was ur face I didn't pack my bags I left you in that place and some part of me was still standing there and when I tried to say....it was already being said but I didn't know the source. And when the music played I couldn't imagine a better space than this twin bed and and my back against the cold wood in '98 (or maybe it was 97) thinking there's no place in the world I'd rather be cause nothing even matters at all. I went to another galaxy the other day and all I could remember was her face..and how much she wanted to disappear and when they asked where she was,before she could respond she was somewhere else and they thought they knew where that place was but if they only knew.... And the music kept playing till it she could remember his face but that's not what she only wanted to see.. She had to return to press rewind because she never cared for CD's.. and the humm would just be there on the floor and fingertips would grace the carpet in anticipation for the end. In the end there's was always rewind In the end there was always..rewind. And when she'd ask where she had been she'd say "nothing" She wasn't really sure how to explain...nothing even mattered at all. Nothing but you...Nothing but you....if you came to that galaxy with me. ...there'd be no reason to come back.
I keep searching for that song, that I can just play and play never get tired of. This song came the closest...but I think I should enjoy things in moderation so I'd like to hear it again. zwei tage (two days)
I was watching Oprah and they had this episode on the "Secret". This episode sparked so many responses that a week later they had a follow up episode. She claimed this episode will change your life. Well the basic concept of this message(atleast that's what I got from it) is that you are energy. And whatever energy you put into the world, whether it's conscious or subconscious is the reason you live the life you lead. So if you're wondering why things happen. It's you. It's what you put out into the world. So you're wondering "why me?" well, it's you. You did it. This one woman was concerned about how this aligns with Christianity (Oprah was thinking the same thing to herself but I guess was a little intimidated about expressing this) "Pray believing that ye have. And then you are able to receive."Is what the example the man used from the Bible. (He then claimed that the Jesus meant heaven being "a place within us" and not exactly a place we would go in the afterlife....but I have to disagree.) So then Oprah talks about how she get's so many questions about success. "How can I be as successful as you?" "How can I be this rich." and she says she didn't intend to make so much money, she just did what she loved and this is the benefit she reaped from it. The same with Bill Gates, who she knows personally, he started with an idea in his garage and there it is. It's the passion that drives you and you may make money from it, and you may not. But in the meantime you are doing what you want to do.. My passion is God, writing, acting, comedy, true kindness. Let's see where that takes me.
I've been feeling outside myself lately whoever "myself" is. I can only imagine that sounding crazy. For the first time in my life I really felt like I did not know me. I was spending days wondering how do I piece these thoughts together, I am ridiculously confused. I've always known my upbringing has something to do with my feelings of inadequacy. So I usually blame my irrational thoughts on what mom said or what dad said. But it's deeper than that. How can you run away from the people who made you, because of them your here. So I molded this person from the mom said and dad saids and I realized that mom and dad didn't have very nice things to say and that led this creation of a...shaky foundation. But there was a reason that foundation did not quite fall apart.
No matter how low I felt in life, things just seemed to fall into place. I believe it's because of the religious lens in which I viewed to world. Maybe it was just coincidence, or false hope but I remember when I was a kid always turning to God. It got to the point when I reached my teens that I wished I didn't always feel like God was watching me. I wanted to do what I wanted like everybody else was and the feeling of somebody always looking over your shoulder was so restricting. But in reality, it was the feeling of always having somebody there when everybody was gone that kept me...sane?My belief in Christ is my foundation. The truth is you can't run from you're creator. There will be so many situations when you realize that how you handle this situation depends on your relationship with God, your parents, whoever lent a hand in creating you. So now I'm trying to make sense of all this, because I am so confused. My heart won't do what my mind tells it to do and it is really frustrating me.
The reason I am the person I am today. Is because of religion, that is how I dealt with it all. But I don't know if I truly dealt with is all and it keeps catching up with me everynow and then. When I was kid... I broke my mom's flashlight. I was so scared because my mom would know it was me. My body language would tell on me before I could confess. I thought "let me put a flashlight over this seed I planted and it'll grow faster." Well the thing "broke". The light would not come on no matter how much I banged and shook. So I prayed that light would come back on. And it did. So my sister comes up to me a few days later telling me she broke something and I told her to pray. And she's like "what?" And I told her well I broke something and I prayed and so now it works. And she said "really?" and I said "yeah." I was probably 6 years old. Well my sister prayed and I'm not even sure what happened but I don't remember my mom threatening to send us to Jamaica for any broken items so I'm guessing everything was fine. The point of that was that ever since I was a kid that's who I turned to because really, that's all I had sometimes....But that is everything I need. I had problems so much more serious than broken flashlights. That would lead me to prayer for the light, the way, the truth. But it's not always what I want to hear.
The Bible says. "Do not think that I have come to bring peace upon the earth. I have come to bring not peace but the sword. For I have come to set a man "against his father" a daughter against his mother and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; and one's enemies will be those of his household." Matthew 10:34-36 He is not playing.
I got a Valentine Today. From a girl. She's 7. It's one of little cards you pass around in elementary school because in elementary school you pass them around to everyone whether you like them or not. I kind of miss those days.
I've come to the conclusion that the teacher I'm interning for is a lesbian. 1) Because she has a picture of her and another female on a bridge somewhere.The female has her hand on her waist. That's a picture you take with you and your significant other if you ask me, and it must be important if she has it posted on her workspace 2)Because she always talks about how her "roommate" does this. What grown professional people with kids still have roommates? Speaking of kids 3)No picture of them and their Dad anywhere just her and her "roommate". Is there enough evidence to support this conclusion Or should I stop assuming. Whatever it's none of my business as long as she gives me a good review and I get that A she can be Tri-Sexual if she wants.
I've been getting random calls from people preaching the gospel lately. There was the preaching substitute teacher from a couple weeks ago(actually that was in person), my friend who's been born again recently, and my ex-director from a play I was in couple years ago.I feel like god is trying to tell me something so I'm praying for the wisdom to find out what that is. Here's some internet Junk I found, lol. It's the brown version "Milk and Cereal". These fools were bored.
I don't like football, I didn't even know who was playing until a few minutes before I headed over there to my friend's to watch the game. I just knew there would be tasty treats waiting for me. I didn't want to jump on the bandwagon last minute. I didn't like my hometown team the Miami Dolphins, they sucked so much while I was growing up, I mean I know they completed the only "perfect season" in the 70's but, in the 80/90's? I couldn't do it. I couldn't watch them lose all the time I'm too emotional. Whenever the superbowl was at Miami I'd look outside at the blimps hovering over the stadium wondering why it was never the Dolphins there. So I watched the Miami Heat get into fights with the Knicks and that's how I became a basketball fan.
I watched the game with my friend, her boyfriend, and her Dad. My friend's boyfriend Red I'll call him, is a hustler. He sells bootleg dvds, white tees whatever you need. He can find it. Not really. I asked him if he had Everybody Hates Chris season 2, he said no. So I won't be doing business with him. He always has bright ideas, during the game he came up with the bright idea that he should sell shirts that have text message phrases people commonly use.... "So how do people know it's a text message." He doesn't know. "Maybe you should include the phone on the shirt as well." It might be a hot trend, who knows. He's the type of guy that thinks he has the whole world figured out. And to him everything is about money. Money=happiness. Money=future, Money=life. He's right to an extent but I disagree with the money=happiness part, so does my friend but we let him explain away anyway. Since he knows everything he insisted the game was rigged already, the mafia is controlling the referee's life so he's going to make shady calls. Everytime the ball dropped and they'd stop the game he'd jump up and yell "See I told you!" until we watched the replay. I kept reminding him that it was raining so the ball might be slippery. I didn't know who I wanted to win. My friend is a Colts fan because of P.Manning, and Red wanted the Bears to win because he bet 100 dollars. I felt bad when he lost that 100 because I'm ridiculously empathetic. He shouldn't be gambling anyway. I've been packing on some pounds lately, nothing extremely noticeable but I've been trying to watch what I eat I've been paranoid about my health lately. No fastfood, no soda, easy on the sweets, excercise here and there, no use I'm still gaining weight. So I decide I'm going to lay off of the desert for a while. When I get there my friend's like "I bought cupcakes just for you, but you can't eat the vanilla ones only chocolate." There were plenty of chocolate ones. Publix cupcakes. I only like Publix cake. Not Winn-Dixie, definitely not Wal-Mart. Only Publix...sweet...mass produced...carbolicious cupcakes. And in the middle was a round cake with an edible image of the Colts and Bears Superbowl XLI South Florida 02/04/07. I wanted that cake. But I didn't want. I wanted all of it. And the cakes just there like "Stop playing, you don't even like football, you know you came here for me." and I'm like. "But what about the six pack I'm trying to get?" And the cakes like "what six pack? you can always diet another day. But I won't always be here. Let's live for now. Right now. So...what do you want to do. Because you know something...I can make feel good" And I'm like "Yeah, you'll make me happy now. But what about later, when your not here and I'm suffering the consequences you won't be any use for me then." And the cakes like "Yeah but you know still want me." And then my friend puts the cake in a container and tells me I can take it home. Damn. I took a piece just now, it was so tasty. I took some frosting off to take some guilt away.
This video is pretty irrelevant. But I like this song. Gwen Stefani ft. Akon. 18 more days
Why did I drive all the way to my off main campus class, that I have to pay 4 dollars worth of toll to get to otherwise I'll be stuck on Colonial forever, and it was canceled.
Why do I hide from things, they end up catching up with me and then I can't remember why I was trying to hide in the first place.
Why do I freak out about these online exams every time I take them...it's not even that serious.
Why do I sleep with the TV on...I dreamed that Tyra Banks was going to share her AIDS test results, but it turns out she's really going to that. I'm definitely going to stop comparing her to Oprah because she's in some crazy category on her own. I've been watching Campus Ladies lately...funny show. Dreamt about that to.
Why do I worry so much. It's a sin to worry...to be sufficient for just a day is a sin within itself...that's what the bible says I think.
Why do I insist on using firefox instead of explorer even though I know it's probably going to unexpectedly close on me. I had to retype this blog.
I know the answers I just have to ask myself every now and then.
Defeat. 
