You know what's just....retarded. I'm in Jamaica right? (That's not the retarded part that's the awesome part) but I'm in this really really rural part of Jamaica called Rockhall look up that shi* on Google maps I don't even think you'll be able to see the houses here. But anyways...the internet connection isn't that great but I'm just damn greatful there is internet here because last time I was here there wasn't any.....(still not the retarded part...) But my Uncle who spent alot of time in NY is downloading THREE F*CKING MOVIES WITH THE WEAK CONNECTION so that's making everything slow. I don't understand y he doesn't wait till he takes his a** back to Florida to do this sh**....moving on.

I went to the city to hang out with my cousins and my cousins boyfriend who's a Reggae singer told me that lesbians and gays are taking over...I said yeah whatever don't believe it this is Jamaica . He said...yeah? yeah? you don't believe me. Come with us to Karyoke Sunday night and you'll see.

Sunday night comes. It's crowded...packed with cars of all kinds, BMWs, Lexus's, Hondas, Shitboxes....I walk in and it has the island bamboo vibes but the people are dressed in their casual sheek...trendy pants, button down tops on the guys, sexy tanks tight pants on the girls....The city style for you. And I'm standing there...listening to people sing American songs of all kinds and then...I'm looking around...for this Lesbian invasion they speak of. I see one woman dressed kind of boyish. But for the most part nothing above the norm.

So the night moves on I still don't see the lesbian invasion they speak of. Just the one butch looking woman. So as the night's winding down Dread asks me

"So, did you see her?"
I said, "See who?"
Dread says"The lesbian girl."
"Which one?" I say.
"The one in the black. She asked a woman for a drink and she said no." Referring to the woman I had mentioned earlier
"Her? That's what you call taking over??" He laughs and says it's kind of a slow night but the fact that she was even there got people talking.
I said "Wow, poor her. She looks desperate."
She asks a woman, who's man has stepped from her, if she wants a drink and she quickly declines. She soon gives up her search and retires for the night. As she walks out...lol..I feel kind of sorry for her. But would I let her buy me a drink? Fcuk no! Not in Jamaica. They haven't reached that level yet.

Mommy Daddy Secrets

I found something out about my parents that I just wish I didn't know. I've been trying to act all nonchalant like it didn't bother the shit out of me but gat dang.

You know that whole period before you were born and your parents had this whole life you didn't know about. There's a reason for that, you don't want to know. No no sersiously....you don't want to know. Maybe mom dabbled in drugs and turned tricks maybe Dad had a little homo experience (These are just examples) guess what? By the time you are born...it doesn't matter you are here and the focus is raising a child and moving on. No need for dirt because....well we as kids look up to our parents and things they did BEFORE you were born....doesn't have anything to do with you.

It's a thought that'll make you question EVERYTHING you know and look through life through an almost dissappointing lens. Now all I can do is be mature enough to understand the my parents are people too.That's all I have to say.

It's Wednesday Right

It's Tuesday right? No Wednesday. Relax Wednesday I know your name..It's just ever since the summer started it's been a little hard keeping track and being a teacher and all....look I got time on my hands but Wednesday you know u special. Hump Day right? Days just keep passing by where I accomplish. Nothing. No Thing. Unless you call eating, sleeping, and watching Blockbuster movies being productive then hell yes I'm the most ambitious person I know. I.....dare I say it...kinda sort of...just a teensy bit miss....teac-. I'll stop right there, free times leading to craziness.

A few things I must accomplish with this free time

1. Writing
2. Reading
3. Catching up with my homies/family
4. Being the most incredible human being I know


4 is the easy one it's the others I have a problem with.

South Beach....Memorial Day.

I'm not really a party girl. I'm a blockbuster night leave me alone so I can finish reading the Kite Runner type of girl....

So my friend and I head down to South Beach and we're staying at her brother's place who lives 5 minutes from South Beach and we went to the club that cost $50 bucks to get into only because it's memorial day weekend and it's now 4 o'clock in the morning and she decides that she's going to get her groove on and I'm like well I'm taking my ass home....

So I head home her brother's place with his two male roommates and I'm pissed because

1. His roommates haven't met me before and I'm about to just walk into their house this time of night.

2. I'm about to sleep in a house full of dudes and if I get raped I'm going to be so pissed. I actually considered driving 45 minutes to my aunt's house....

So I get to her brother's place (after taking a detour after some people who I suspected might be serial killers wanted my number and to follow me to my destination....I "escaped" let's just say.)

And I stroll up in these people's house and their sitting on the couch talking, turns out they were coming from the same club that I had been and he thought about dancing with me, so he says....
And they kind of freak out because this is Miami and somebody is just walking into their house and I'm freaking out because they might shoot me. But they don't because...well. Here's this long legged woman with sexy hair (a wig...shame shame didn't feel like doing my hair) walking into their house with the cutest nervous smile. She's actually pissed. Pissed that her friend is out and about and she thinks her friend should have much more respect for herself than that and maybe I shouldn't have dropped her off.....I'm pissed that I DON'T KNOW THESE DUDES!!! But they were nice. And they wouldn't try anything with their roommate's sister's friend....they were decent guys. I hoped. Dear Lord I hoped. And subconsciously I prayed to God..."Dead Lord...I know I'm here with some random guys and I should know better, but please please please don't let them try anything while I sleep." They asked me where my friend was and I hesitated and they smiled...."Ooooh, she went jogging." Said the more outgoing of the two.

The Next day actually...later that morning my friend showed up. Glowing. They asked if she enjoyed her jog.

Roxy's Diner

I have been looking for this song for only for....as long as I can remember. It's hard trying to find lyrics to a song when all you know is

"Ta ta ta ta
ta ta ta ta
ta ta ta ta
ta ta ta ta...."

This song is.
The shit.

Song Lyrics

It reminds me of me lately
Only
There's not many diners around here.
Only Large franchises like D.e.n.ny's and I.HOP.
So I went to IHOP the other day. This is how it went.

Roxy's Diner (experience)

I am standing
In the afternoon
at the IHOP
On Colonial

I am waiting
for the 16 year old
To seat me.
At a table


And he asks
If it's just me
at the table
for today.

I say yes.
I have no friends.
He smiles and says
"Right this way"

And He seats me
Next to
the loud family
of ten.

The waitress from
The Islands
Hands me
Some tap water


And she leaves
by the window
as I'm scrolling
On on the net


About the
Dem.ocr.atic
Race.
O.b.ama lost Indiana.
Damn



And my eyes meet his.
As he's wiping the counter
I smile and see the
waitress in the corner
Of my eye.

They must have
had a thing.
Some time long ago
She can keep relax
I don't want her man.
(He works at Ihop..no offense..maybe he's has bigger plans
and it's just a temporary thing..look. I just need a man who
strives for a bit more than that you know?)

And I'm pretending
not to notice
The couple
Arguing

They wanted to
Get a free
Apple topping
To go with their Stack

Bitches that
topping cost
99 cents get over it.
And pay the lady her money

And I'm listening
to the family
Tell a story in Spanish
And then I miss your voice

On my phone
In the mornings
When you ask me not
To go

And I finish up my dessert
That the waitress
Couldn't believe
I ordered.

After Just having
Bacon, Pancakes,
Hashbrowns, Cheese Omellete
Fried Cheesecake and Whipcream
On top of Ice-cream.

I finish the last bite.
Time to catch
American Idol.

Spring Break pt. 4- Farewell Party

My friend Amber calls and asks me if I'm in the O because she's stopping by before she heads to NY to persue her dreams. Of course my timings always good because I'm not there, actually I'm four hours away in South Fla.

She gets mad but says she'll be in South Fla the next day. I say cool. See you for lunch.

Next Day..lunch time arrives. No call. I think nothing of it. I'm used to my friends last minute actions and their used to mine so it evens out.

Around 8pm I get a call. My friend Ream from the O calls and asks if I'm ready.

"For what?" I ask.
"The club!" she says as if we had some prearrangements that I was supposed to know about.
"No...I'm at the hair salon with my cuz" I say.
"Well I'm coming to you because Am told me that's we're going to the club and I rented a car to drive all the way to South Fla so I'm about to club tonight."
"How did you know I was in Miami?"
"Am duh. When did you talk to her?" I ask. And what happened to lunch?
"Yesterday, but I haven't heard from her all day. We're supposed to be clubbing before she leaves."
"But Ream...umm...I'm not partying, I was supposed to have lunch but no one called."
"What? Unh uh, Roxy don't tell me that"
"What....agggh. Fine."
I end up giving in and telling her I'll be ready in a few.
I didn't pack any club clothes whatsoever so I make up and outfit and head out the door.
Ream's waiting there pissed because we hadn't hear from Am all day and I have to laugh. We're some disorganized people for real.
We pick up De and head to Ha.r.d Roc.k. (again) This time into a club.

I bring the Jui.c.y Pur.s.e that I was smoking rocks when I bought.

We get in line.
It rains. I hand the purse to Ream because she was the only one furthest in line to be under the shade. We still hadn't heard from Am all day.

Matter of fact. We thought something might have happened to her. But knowing her, it was some crazy reason that we hadn't heard from her 20 hours straight.

Finally. We see her.
Her phone has been dead and she forgot her charger. Ha.

Her boyfriends buys us shots and everything's a blurr....

I dance a little more... De loves when I'm drunk she says I'm more fun... My jams keep coming on... Am's man buys us more shots... I see my ex from high-school in the distance...I pull my hat down, lol. We walk into another section of the club and security pulls my hat and says it's fly. I flash a drunken smile. Am's man starts asking for my hat. I tell him $20 dollars at A.ldo. He laughs. I bid Am farewell. Ream drops me home and I crawl upstairs and dream drunken dreams.

I wake up to my cuz fussing about why I didn't answer my phone this morning. I look. My phone is gone.

I call and call and Finally. Ream answers the phone. Left it in the rent a car. Yessssss so it isn't lost forever.

Spring Break pt. 3 Not Your Sugarbaby

I texted my friend from high school (De) ,who had gone to college with me but moved back home early, to see if she was alive. Luckily she was and we made some arrangements to go to H.ar.d. R.ock H.ollywo.od. for some drinks and catching up.

When we got there everything was almost closed but luckily we caught a place that served us desert and some martinis. We chatted and laughed and then some older guys came trying to charm us. A lawyer and I forgot what the other one did but they were business men, because within minutes they were handing me cards. The outgoing Latino approached my friend. And the cool laid back Caucasian lawyer sat next to me. They admitted that they were drawn to our complexion because they love black women because their fun and interesting. (Is that so...)

They paid for our drinks and my dessert and Holy Shit. We're stuck with them for the night.

Be honest. When you see young black women in their 20's dating older rich guys you think their gold diggers right? Be honest. De and I paranoid about that the hold night as they grabbed our hands and led us to the next club. We're too nice(especially when tipsy) and didn't want to be ass holes so they hung out with us for the night.


We went to the club next door to a hip hop club that had a mechanical bull inside. Yes, a hip hop club with a mechanical bull.

The interesting part of this place is that who ever rides the bull gets exploited like hell. For example. Say you have big boobs. The guy controlling the bull shakes shakes shakes it so her tatas jiggle like crazy and if she has a big behind. He bends the bull over and shakes shakes shakes her booty to the beat.

Lawyer guy suggest I get on there. I suggest he gets on there. He declines.

Then we went the casino. Latino kept giving us 20s to play in the machines. Eventually we were like no save your money, but he kept insisting. De and I shook our heads. (The last time I had come down here some guy, who's friend had actually known me from high school, wanted to give up 100 bucks to buy drinks. We told him to keep his money and I told him to invest it because black men need to start thinking about the future....as I preached with my tiny shorts and see-through top)
At the end of the night De ended up keeping one of the 20s to pay for gas.

How cute is that little munchkin, huh?

Lawyer guy told me to give him a call. I never did. Money doesn't win me over and honestly I was looking for somebody younger and...tanner. Maybe a little more...Ok, black, I love my black men. BLACK CHOCOLATE MEN.And besides. I'm nobody's Sugarbaby.

Spring Break pt. 2 Kiss for some tickets

We* were standing in the movie line to see S-u-p-e-r H-e-r-o, actually we really wanted to see Hor.ton. Hea.r.s a W.h.o but it started already. And inside the guy had a sign the said "Next In Line" and we stood there not really sure if we should leave the current line we were in having stood there so long but he started waving it inpatiently so we went inside to join his line.

*We is my cousins; K, J, D, their friend, G, and Roxy(me)

So I'm standing there in the line. My cousin D, who's a punk rocker (yes she's black) who loves to draw anime and is pretty outspoken although she'd deny it, is in front of me.

And I'm standing. Daydreaming kinda. Thinking about about how I must be smoking rocks because I just bought a J.uicy Coutu.re purse and I'm broke. My cousin and her friend were over there holding the bag pretending it was theirs. I thought about what my friends were doing back in the O, I thought about...him..

Then I see my cuz with tickets in her hand.
"Here you go, Here you go, Here you go, Here you go." She says as she passes them out.

It took me a second to realize what just happened.
"Wait a minute. Did you pay for these." I ask. ( high fiving him as we walked away)
"Nope."

"Ok, what did you say." my cuz J and I say at the same time.

"Nothing." She says.
We walk to the food court confused. I looked at the ticket thinking it would say a movie that was no longer in the theatre or something. Or maybe they were fake and we were about to be embarrassed.

"No you said something, we got free tickets."
"All I said was, " she begins. I open my ears to listen for future use of this occurence.

"9 dollars is a lot of money." my cousin says.
"And then..." I wait.

"That's it. He asked how many of us there was and he gave me the tickets." she says and laughs.

"Hmm." I say. "You better go back and give that boy a kiss. One of you. You know that's what he wanted right?"

When we came back. Somebody else was working the counter. Hmm. Maybe he just really didn't give a shit and was ready to go.

Spring Break pt.1 Handling Business....not really

When I came to South Fla during spring break on the day of my aunt's bday I arrived in the house and my cousin(K) was giving me this look. I knew that look. Troubling brewing somewhere. My other cousin(J) had called me from work to tell me there was business to handle. Look....everytime...I come...back...home....there's some foolishness they get caught up in that for some reason involves me. I told them I didn't even want to know.

So when my aunt leaves the room.
K tells me the story. Basically one of their friends homeboys which they don't even know came in and stole my cuz's itouch from the kitchen counter while she was upstairs.

"What's his name?"
"Black."
"Ok.......his real name"
"I dunno."
"Ok...where does he live."
(shrugs shoulders)"I dunno"
"Ok...what's his number?"
"His homeboy knows it but won't answer the phone."
"Ok..Umm...you guys waited for me to drive down here for this. What am I going to do? Circle the neighborhood...till the itouch come out with his hands up?"
"We thought we would think of something when you got here."
So we thought. Still nothing.

But eventually after some threats, police reports(did absolutely nothing) and 80 freaking dollars(absolute bull shit but we'll just let it go because I'm not getting shot over iTouch)
Circling the neighborhood.
We got it back.
Swew.

A Masculine Touch

First of all I had one of those "Oh Shit!" Mornings. I woke up from a pretty tipsy night to the sun shining through my window. I look at the clock saying 7:36 and start freaking out even more.

I'm late! OMG, I'm late! The sun's out that means I'm late I have to wake up before light or I'm late! Why didn't my alarm go off!Wait.....What day is it? What day is it?"

Then I realized it was Saturday and that I didn't have to get up till 8 to get my hair done.

My usual stylist is a female but she has the male assistant that takes her clients if she's unavailable. A man has never done my hair before. Never. This shall be interesting for some reason. I arrive and he's busy with 3 other clients, that's fine. He tells me that he'll be with me in a minute...."with your big beautiful brown eyes." I smile and say thank you. I assume he's gay because he does hair (...look call be racist or whatever but, every gay guy that does hair I have ever met has been, gay, k?) and think nothing of it.

Then FINALLY I get in his chair. We chit chat this and that and he asks me if I go to school. I say no, "I teach."
He says get out of here! Teach what?
"I'm out of school,I teach 2nd Grade."
He says "Stop lying I thought you were 16, 17."




I look around at the girls getting their hair done for prom, I admit I looked just about as old as them.
"You look maybe even younger than them."
Well...Atleast I won't get in trouble." He says low enough for only me to hear.
What does that mean? Well he's gay so that doesn't mean much really. Haha, is he flirting? Oh but he's gay so it's harmless.
Then he says something about his wife. Woah. Ok, now it's his turn to stop lying. But sure enough. His wife comes (to get her hair done by her husband how lucky) in with the keeeeyyyyuuuuutttest. Little baby. 9 months. Okay so he definitely bangs women....

But even with his wife in the shop, that doesn't stop him from flirting. With all the girls getting their hair done for prom I didn't get back in his chair until 4 HOURS later.
"Sorry for the wait...I can make it up to you. Where do you work again?"
I tell him. But what's he going to do about it?
"I'll show up to your job with something special." Special =Free hair products?

I look at his wife and his cute little baby sitting under the dryer with her. How can a man do this too his family.....sad."Ummmmm can you do my eyebrows? Because you're over here playing around." I say. On top of me not ever thinking of hooking up with this guy because he's MARRIED and has a BABY that is 10 FEET AWAY but he still wants my number anyway. Umm. He's gay. The family's not fooling me.



I must admit...
Had me thinking about marrying a hairstylest...(one who doesn't want to cheat on his wife with someone who he thought was under 18 but she's over 18 and now he thinks it's okay, but has tingly feelings for men but hollers at every female to overcompesate for it.)

Look...I'm just a little lonley, yall.